My husband and I were married in june of 2006. About two weeks about, on oct. 28 in fact, I received a call from his ex-wife informing me of their affair. At first I didn't believe it and confronted my husband about it. He admitted that they had slept together once about a "month and a half ago". Sometime in september, which also happens to be around my birthday. I couldn't believe it at first and then realized he would have no reason to lie about having an affair. Since then we have talked and I have agreed to try to work things out with him., but I don't know how to move on. I find myself thinking about it all the time. My husband has also admitted that since the "one-time fling" they have talked and flirted with one another. He also said that she has invited him over again on more than one occassion. He assures me that the affair was the biggest mistake of his life and one he won't repeat again, but he was never supposed to have done it in the first place. He says that although he was part of the act, she was the one that came on to him. I believe this, but I keep looking at the phone records and it seems the calling back and forth was pretty mutual. He also left work during his lunch hour to meet with her at their old house (she still lives there with their two children) which is right down the street from my work, where I was at when it happened. He tells me I'm the love of his life, the reason he lives and breathes, and that he'll never hurt me again but he made all these promises when we got married. How can I believe him now after he's already proved that he's a liar? He says he's trying to change and that the reason this happened was because he took my love for granted and put himself first. I feel that he's right with that becuase the entire time the affair/flirting was going on I was calling him on it and asking him why he defended her, and why he acted differently around her. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to sort out my feelings. Is it possible to work through this? Should I even try or is the fact that it was done so easily and so early in my marriage a sign of impending failure? I still madly love my husband. I know this is stupid of me and I should realize that if he loved me even a tenth of the amount that I loved him, he would not have done this. I sometimes feel I should leave him but then I look a him and I'm able to see all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place and I can't get myself to call it quits. I know he's trying to make it up to me. He's being the best husband I could possibly imagine but sometimes I just feel frustrated. Like why couldn't it have been this way in the first place? If he knew all along the ways he was treating me unjustly then why did he continue? He does say all the right things now. He's always said all the right things though. I'm so angry I could break/hit something. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't want to see him. I don't want to let him go. What do you do when you still love the man that hurt you beyond belief? Will I ever be able to get over his ex being in our lives forever?
P.S. I've spoken to his ex, well more like she spoke to me a few days after she admitted to me what happened and she acknowledges her part in this and she has said that she did it to prove to me that he doesn't love me. Could it be possible that even though my husband is accountable and still to blame for his actions that his ex did in fact set a trap to set him up? I know his ex hates me because the kids love me, at least the daughter tells me she loves me already and because she knows that he has never loved her and only stayed with her for the kids sake to begin with. Plus his family loves me and dislikes her and they tell me all the time how they've never seen him happier than with me and how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. Even though he played his part, could it be that she's out to destroy my marriage out of bitterness/jealousy and my husband is just a stupid [censored] who fell for it? I sometimes think she's manipulative and very controlling but hey what do I know. None of it excuses what happened and even makes matters worse because my husband can say that he honestly detests her and finds her to be very unattractive to the point of being disgusted with her. Doesn't hearing that just make you feel patronized? It definitely makes me feel that way. Not to mention the fact that it makes me feel, ugly, unimportant and unloved. Am I deluding myself? Can any of this be solved? Is love enough?
