Just a check in, h was leaving last night, and I was just standing there, and he gave me a quick kiss, I could have fallen over. He just walked out with a smile. Nothing since, was hoping he would warm me up last night(has been sleeping downstairs on lr floor for 2yrs). So, I guess you could say it is a hugh step, since he has not touched me since April.
But, tonight I almost blew it, he was supposed to have been going to church to do finances, and I tried calling him to tell him his mom had called,and left message and sounded like something was wrong, and he did not answer there, so I called cell, he said he was there, but line was not good. Of course I thought maybe he was not there, he called back to say his moms line was busy, but would call me back when he talked to her. SO, (stupid, old snooper, ways)creeped in on me, and I did *69, well number was not the usual church num, so I called information for "her" number and it was not that one. He called later to tell me his Gramma is sick, and I did the *69m again, same number. I guess(hope) that is a outside line at church.
What if I would have called him and jumped on him, it would have set everything back, how do we overcome these suspicians and/or prevent ourselves from following through with something stupid. I almost did the same thing a few months ago, but he did not answer his phone that day, and I later found out I was wrong. I never thought I would admit this and while it is a personal thing, I get like this when I am pmsing. At least i have gotten better at controling it, but it only takes one stupid move to ruin everything that I have worked hard at and thought I had solved. As it is, this board is the only one that knows what I did, and I am glad I have it to vent to. Sue