Tomorrow will be 6 months since my husband disappeared. For the last 2 months, I have not heard a peep from him. I have only an email address - he is either not opening or not accessing his email. The cell phone of his friend that he is sailing with is not accepting calls. Can't even leave a voice mail wishing them happy holidays.
They have had plenty of time to cross the Atlantic. Commerical sailboats take about 2 weeks to cross. I do not know their destination. I suppose it's possible they landed on the African coast and do not have Internet access in the remote villages.
I am assuming that no news is good news??? If something horrible happened, I would hope that his sailing buddy would have the sense to contact a relative. But what if both of them got swallowed up by the sea?
Before they left on the trans-Atlantic trip, I did make the mistake of mentioning that his Mom wanted to know his agenda and that if he cared about us he would give us more info. Probably not a good idea, huh?? So, now I think he is purposely staying out of contact.
Happy Holidays!! He proposed on Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve. But, I am taking much needed vacations on both holidays to treat myself.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
I forgot to ask my question - how long does one wait without hearing from their spouse before assuming the worst? These past 6 months went by pretty fast. In 6 more months, the bill-paying funds will be depleted, assuming the house and cabin don't sell, which is very likely.
I think if he does surface, more money will be forthcoming, but I can't depend on that. Looking for a better paying job. I would have to make twice what I make now to afford the house.
So, if I don't hear from him, what are the chances of getting access to his accounts without a death certificate? I hate to think along these lines, but I need to look out for myself.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
The best advice I can give you is "get a lawyer". You need to take care of yourself financially, your H will NOT do it for you. If you do it later rather than sooner, you will deeply regret it, trust me.
Whether he comes around in time or not - you need to protect yourself and if he can't handle that - what does that tell you? He abandoned you and left you holding the bag. Do whatever you have before you are stuck with a house you cannot afford.
I know it is tough - I fought it for a long time, but PLEASE do what you have to do for yourself now.
I totally agree. Get an attorney. Assume H will never show up again. Take care of business, doing whatever it is that will make YOUR future more secure.
Thanks for the advice. I have been speaking with a lawyer since he left 6 months ago. I am keeping the lawyer up to date on the developments.
I did get an email from my H the day before Thanksgiving wishing me a happy holiday and wanting to know if I am still his wife. Said he has a picture of me on his screen saver and he tells "everybody" (whoever that is) that the woman on the screen saver is his wife and maybe still is his wife.
He did not tell me where he is (typical) nor did he mention when or if he would return (also typical).
I did not sleep well last night thinking that maybe he wants to make up and act like none of this ever happened (that sounds like him). There are 2 things I am most concerned about:
1) His unpaid bills (in his name only - the lawyer says I am protected via state law). But - get this - the sum of his unpaid credit ($50 k) almost exactly equals the money he gave me to pay the bills in his absence. Very suspicous. I asked the lawyer about this - he said that the banks that he owed money to would have to prove that the cash advances (which I assume it must have been) were used for a "family purpose" (bill paying) before I would be responsible. I think it might be easy to prove this.
2. The lies that I have discovered since he has been gone. Like being in Australia when he told me he was in London 2 years ago. Also recent lies about "never being married" on the dating website. Those are the lies that I know about -how many more are there???
It would take some time to work through these issues. So, I'm sure you are asking - why do you want him back? Lots of reasons - first of all I said "I do" and my word means a lot to me. Secondly, I have swallowed the concept that "this is just the way he is" and I need to deal with it. Thirdly, I think it's the right thing to do - get the debt repaid - he's made a ton of money before, he can do it again.
Deb
Joy and Sorrow...when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep upon your bed. ~Kahlil Gibran
Me: 46 H: 45 Married: 5.0+ years Bomb: May 17, 2006 0 living children, 2 babies in heaven 1 dog, 2 cats
