I think there is a lot of good advice and insight already from the others. Please try not to blame yourself. It is easy to blame others for our problems and as a society - this has become the norm. You know people that do X to someone and fail to take responsibility for X because their parents/relative/someone else did X or Y to them. It wasn't their fault!
Life is about taking responsibilty for your actions. Life is about creating your own experience. The reasons why your H may have acted/behaved/whatever in your M was because people do what works. It doesn't mean it is good or right - but it was working for him. Likewise - the way he is behaving/acting now IS WORKING FOR HIM NOW. He needs it to work for him because of OW. He has to prove to OW that it is all your fault and he is a really good man and he is worth it. People want to be around people that are attractive. I'm not talking about physical attractiveness although that is part of it. I am talking about the qualities like self-confidence, good sense of humor, a passion for life. Your H is acting this part right now (remember how emotional/up/down he seemed regarding D just a couple of weeks ago?) because he wants to keep the interest of the OW. Until he really really believes it and starts living it - it won't take hold and he will fall into an old rut.
It is easy to want our XWs or XHs to fall on their faces. It helps us deal with the idea that they are the ones with the problem. Fact of the matter is - while this does seem to happen most of the time, it is possible that your H will get his act together. But either way is that a reflection on you? Nope! We are responsible for ourselves and our own happiness. The only person your H can blame for anyone is the person he looks at in the mirror each morning - if he can even look himself in the eyes....
Hang in there Liz. Work on you! What do you want to do? What is next for you? Start small then build from there. You know life is about "living". Start living your life the way YOU want to. Let God take care of you H now (because he is going to need it.)
