Hi
I have been reading a bunch of your threads the last few days. I come here from newcomers, posted in april, but I never have gotten too many responses. I am not sure if I belong here yet.

Here is a bit about my sitch. h and I m 24 yrs last Sunday(that was kinda a sad day, as h can not acknowledge feelings at this time, but I gave him a simple card)Anyway, about 3 years ago, h quit (banking)job of 20yrs.things were changing, new bosses, etc..he was being used, knew more than the higher ups, etc... one day he called me and said I have to leave, today! I was shocked, but i supported him. Well a coworker just happened to start calling him, she was having troubles in her m, she is an alcholic, she quit her job a few weeks later, Ended up at a new bank, and several months later h did to, friendship continued, my suspicians did to. H took up social drinking and smoking, met a new group of coworkers, went out after work occasionally, but of course "she" was always included. I continued to worry, he always assured me they were nothing more than friends. I tried so hard to believe him, in the 20 yrs of m, i have never once ever had to doubt his love or fidelity. Things seemed to go on ok for us, but this past spring, i pushed him too far, and half way accused him of an a, I just wanted him to confess, and then we could go from there. All the ily and anything physical stopped that day, it was so tense, I suggested c, he agreed, and we have been going ever since, he even mentioned in c that he felt like he needed to leave the home, but never did. i found this db board, and read dr and started to change me(lost weight, as I could not think of food)I stopped the r talks, begging, crying, and slowly things started to ease up. We still went out, to movies, with friends, etc. but the closeness is not there. In the last few weeks of c, he has said that he just does not have the feelings, and can't just fake them. Told me he still cares for me, and c questioned if he knew why he does not have them, and I said it is probably some things that I had said. he said yes. he had mentioned trust at another session. I havve brought up the coworker in c, and he continues to say that should not be an issue, but c knows it still is with me.
I now question if there really has been an a, or if i have let my emotions and everything play games with me. The "friend" is now going through d, and she calls my h for help moving, etc.., and I have backed off, as we have learned here, I can't change them, only me.He is still at home, if he wanted her, he could have left along time ago. We have done social things with her, she asked me to come along with him to see her new apt, so if they are having an a, would they really be including me??? I am so torn some days.

We are slowly talking more, but not about r, just general things, he seems happier than a few months ago, I just want him to love me again, hold me.
I am so sorry for this long post, but I needed to vent again, and get some thoughts from others who are on the road to recovery. I pray each day that he will find the love that we had for 20 yrs, and begin to want to heal our m.
Sue