Liz...it's been a while since I've posted here and wanted to check in.
It's just so frustrating when the MLC is so obvious. Your H cares more about himself than for his own son proves how selfish he really is right now but he can't see it. Is your H not responsible for providing for your S with the D agreement?
As for your H's new look, I honestly believe this will all be temporary. My H went on a crash diet to attract OW back in the Spring and when I saw him this past week after not seeing him for over a month, I noticed he had put weight back on. They are so shallow in thinking that how they look can hide who they really are inside. When the real H appears, let's see how long OW will be sticking around in both of our situations.
What is so ironic is that while your H and OW have both abandoned their M to be together, one of them will do the same to the other. When it will happen is unknown but it will.
Don't believe for one minute that your H's issues are because of you. He doesn't want to own any responsibility and of course it is easier to blame you. How did YOU cause him to have a criminal record? How did YOU make him smoke pot? Let him believe what he wants right now because moving forward he will only be able to either take responsibility for any future mistakes or blame OW. At some point, one of them will be very unhappy and want out of the relationship.
Quote: I cried myself to sleep last night, wondering why I was never good enough for that. Why couldn't he ever try to be a better man for me and our kids? Why couldn't he ever clean up his life for me? What does she have that I don't have? Why am I not worth that?
He is only trying to prove to OW that he is a different person than who is really is. He's trying to prove that it was your fault for the person he had become. She should take this as a sign that he will one day transfer blame from you to her. This is not permanent. You did not make him into the man he was, he did.
Quote: I know you'll all tell me that this R with OW is doomed to failure, but I'm just not seeing it. My xH is a changed man, at least on the outside. He looks and acts totally different. I barely even know him anymore.
Everyone tells me the same thing about my H and I too feel that H might actually be happier with OW but you and I don't know that and based on research and statistics, divorce rates increase with each M. Even if your H will try to appear to be happier with OW, it may not actually appear to be so. Do not beat yourself up. Yes, we made mistakes and so did our H's but we are the better ones for not ever walking out on them. I know in my heart, they will come to realize their mistake some day and only we will have the control to decide to take them back or not.
Quote: Can love between two people motivate you to really change your character?
You have to want to change your character because you know it needs fixing. Changing for the sake of someone else is usually temporary. What happens when the feelings for OW start to change and he no longer is motivated to change his character? He will go back to being who he really is because his motivation was not for the right reason.
Quote: I am so broken today. I thought I was on the road to healing, but lately I feel like I'm right back where I started.
I know how you feel. I started off the same way this morning and as you know we will have ups and downs until we decide we want to get off the rollercoaster ride. Hang in there. You've got a lot of support here so come whenever you feel the need to.
Better days are on their way. 2007 is a new year and a new beginning. (((((((((LIZ))))))))
At some point, one of them will be very unhappy and want out of the relationship. 
