LIZ! you did GREAT! Just as everyone else has said you set boundaries... When XH has your S, he has your son for the entirety. He can't use you as the backup plan for when things aren't PERFECT! It's time for him to be a parent too. And you're right, you need to know WHERE S will be. In fact in VA, and I suspect most states... the settlement agreement specifically states that the parties will provide advance notice of their address to each other. For just this reason.
Now, you want to hear a good one? XW tells me yesterday she's engaged! Met THIS guy in July. Moved into his "basement apt" the end of OCT. Now engaged. Hmmmm. All I could say was something like "Gee, now there's a surprise... guess four of us will have to split that pool!" She got pissy and stomped out. D15 gets mad at ME and says "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR MOM?"
Quote: It's just that I see that my xH is so deeply entrenched in this R with her now that I can't imagine him getting out of it anytime soon -- and even if he does, I can't imagine him wanting to work things out with me. It seems to me that he's closed the door on any possibility of us. And while I do not want him as he currently is, I would welcome the opportunity for us to build a new, better R someday...and because I still have so much love for him, it's hard to imagine myself with anyone else.
I'm right there w/ ya! I too want nothing to do w/ XW in her current alien mode. Sad to say that I don't see her changing. Lady friend wanted to know if I was alright after hearing this news... I said, YEAH, this just further validates my belief that she's got her head screwed on wrong!
Quote: I must admit, I'm having a really hard time doing any sort of GAL stuff. I may sound strong to so many of you, but in reality I'm really depressed. I find that I can barely eat, sleep, and that I cry quite a bit still. I just keep wondering when the pain will stop. I get brief moments of relief and then it all hits me again.
BTDT! sucks huh? I still wake almost every night around 3ish. BUT, it does get better. I think it will take a long time for the pain to completely go away... for both of us, but things are getting better. Biggest prob. for me these days are the kids. They are snarly, rude, disrespectful and absolute angels for Mom. Well, as more than one person has pointed out, they are modelling HER behavior towards me of the past 5 years; IE she was angry/mad at me and treated me poorly and let them also...
Son's idea of me "bugging him" is me saying "HI, how was your day at school?" when he comes home. He wants to just walk past me and not say anything and gets pi$$ed when tell him that's rude. This AM, daughter is rushing b/c the bus is coming and I said "have a nice day, I'll see you this afternoon" and she snaps at me ands says DAD, I'M KINDA IN A HURRY HERE, THE BUS IS COMING AND I LEFT STUFF UPSTAIRS! I said back, gee, all I said was have a nice day, I'm not slowing you down or anything!
I really worry how S/D are going to deal w/ this if statistics play out and this new R blows up in her face. Ideally it would BEFORE she's married, but I am betting she'll get married and then in about 3 years slaps her forehead....
Quote: I am really lonely, that's the tough part. I'm lonely for companionship, but I am still so hurt and raw from the things my xH did to me that I can't imagine being ready to find a companion anytime soon. So, it seems like such a vicious circle to me...and it makes me feel hopeless.
Again, this is where I'm at, or rather, slowly getting past. Just when I think I might be able to really jump into something, I find myself at the bottom of another hill and have to start the long slow slog back up to a PMA... But the hills are starting to even out and the ups/downs aren't quite so dramatic.
