What you are all saying is what everyone has said to me today -- that this is a blessing in disguise, that this will speed up the process of him realizing the grass isn't greener (or her seeing his true colors), etc. And intellectually, I can see the sense behind that. It's just that I see that my xH is so deeply entrenched in this R with her now that I can't imagine him getting out of it anytime soon -- and even if he does, I can't imagine him wanting to work things out with me. It seems to me that he's closed the door on any possibility of us. And while I do not want him as he currently is, I would welcome the opportunity for us to build a new, better R someday...and because I still have so much love for him, it's hard to imagine myself with anyone else.
I've dipped my toes in the dating world a little and I'm just not ready, I've realized. I am far too injured to be putting myself out there. So, when it comes to GAL, I guess I'm going to stick to platonic friendships, solo ventures, and things with the kids. I must admit, I'm having a really hard time doing any sort of GAL stuff. I may sound strong to so many of you, but in reality I'm really depressed. I find that I can barely eat, sleep, and that I cry quite a bit still. I just keep wondering when the pain will stop. I get brief moments of relief and then it all hits me again.
I am really lonely, that's the tough part. I'm lonely for companionship, but I am still so hurt and raw from the things my xH did to me that I can't imagine being ready to find a companion anytime soon. So, it seems like such a vicious circle to me...and it makes me feel hopeless.
