I'm glad to hear you made it through the holiday OK. It was better for me than I expected...but the next day I paid the price. I was kind of down anyway and then read a story that had a surprise (and very endearing/sad) ending that set me off. I was a mess for about an hour. But I'm OK now.
You're right about the qualities of the WAS that never get mentioned. Because of the circumstances, we're all in a bad place and all that's talked about are the bad things that are occurring with our spouse. Of course, this is a one-sided view...understandable, but one-sided.
Right now my WAW is self-absorbed, unyielding, illogical, cruel, unforgiving, dishonest, unfaithful, demanding, selfish, and deceitful. But this has not always been the case. Over the years she has done many wonderful things, been a good wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law, was known far and wide as kind, considerate, responsible, loving, caring, hard-working, capable, smart, logical, and honest and was my best friend.
In the overwhelming pain and hurt, it is easy to lose sight of these traits once posessed by the ones we still love in spite of themselves. Yet it is why we are all here...the potential, the hope, the promise of having that again. The reality is that for many of us, it is not recoverable, yet it is a testament to the strength of true love that we remain in spite of the odds.
With regard to the R with the OW, I think it's still too soon. In fact, the failures in other aspects of your WAH's life are likely to drive him to her even more as he searches for the support he used to get from you. So in the short term, I don't think this will get better...at least from your perspective. If there is a silver lining, it is that such stresses also tend to bring out the "ugly" in people over time and that will ultimately put more stress on the new R.
