Quote: Sherman wrote: Well you're not alone in this. But unless your H does the work on himself, it won't last. Promise. Your H and the OW will have to let their masks down sooner or later.
I know this in my brain, but my heart can't seem to let it really sink in.
Quote: Sherman wrote: I will tell you that there will be more "events" that bring it up. This grief process is a cyclical, so don't avoid the feelings, but let them come. This way you won't have to deal with them later (which is a very good thing).
Yea, I know more stuff is bound to happen that will upset me. I dread hearing that they are moving in together, getting married, stuff like that. Even just hearing from my S4 that he really likes OW is painful for me.
I do tend to feel things pretty strongly -- and right at the moment that something happens. So, no worries about me not dealing with my emotions! That's one of the things my xH hated about me. He said that I was "too emotional" and that I couldn't keep things in check. He said that I let my emotions run my life, that I used them as weapons. Of course, that was never my intention. I do look back and see that my emotional state often influenced bad decisions and reactions, but I never purposefully used my emotions to hurt him or make him feel bad. If he did something to hurt me and I cried about it, that was seen as manipulation. He could never see that my emotions were a normal reaction to being hurt. His mom is very unemotional, detached...not warm at all. His father is mostly just angry or judgmental. So, I'm positive that my xH's attitude about emotion comes from his parents and I wonder if that's something he can ever change.
Quote: Your eyes are opened to what a solid relationship should be. That true love is a choice and something given on PURPOSE. NOT a feeling.
Yea, now if only my xH could realize that. He's in search of that "warm, fuzzy feeling" that we all get when we first fall in love with someone. This is why he's always been unfaithful -- he could never just be happy with our R, he always wanted to find something better. I guess he thinks he finally found it.
He's never been in a long-term R with anyone other than me. He was involved with SS14's mom for a couple of years, but they did not live together and they were very young (in high school). During the 12.5 years we were together, he had a few affairs and even lived with one OW for about 3 weeks (before coming crawling back to me), but he's never been THIS SERIOUS about an OW ever. I guess that's why I'm thinking this might be the "real deal" for him. Only time will tell, I suppose.
Quote: Sherman wrote: Why don't you consider joining the DB group in Vegas for Dec 15, 16, & 17th?
I really can't afford something like that, plus I have a prior commitment I have to honor on the 16th. But I hope you guys have fun!
Quote: DavidM wrote: I lost count of how many times XW said "who knows what the future will bring" and "we can always date/get married again"
My xH hasn't said anything of the sort. The closest he came to something like that was when I asked him what he would do if his feelings for me returned and he replied, "...then divorce papers won't make a difference."
Quote: DavidM wrote: It's been 6 months since my D was final... I still get bummed out. Meanwhile XW is in yet another R; moved into the basement apt of the newest BF; she met him in July! Still not addressing her crap.
Sorry to hear of your D. It sounds like your xW is going through some real drama! Already in another R? Wow. See, if that was happening to my xH, I think I might be able to sit back with amusement. But right now, my fears and insecurities kick in and I obsess about him being with this OW forever, giving her the love he never really could give to me.
