Quote: running wrote: The only way you'd even want them back is if they've truly learned something from the whole experience. Otherwise there's a higher chance you could just go through the same cycle again.
Yes, and this idea is what keeps me going sometimes -- the knowledge that my xH really does have to go through this process before he can truly understand what he has thrown away.
Quote: running wrote: One more thing I want to add related to this.... if you do happen to talk with your husband and he asks why you are avoiding him you can think about sharing with him what I shared with my husband. I'd tell him it's not that I was angry or trying to avoid him, but I was focused on moving on with my life (which is basically where you want to be) and preparing for a great future.
Thanks for the advice. I do plan to say something along those lines, but I also want to remind him that HE is the one who said just a couple of weeks ago that he only wanted to speak to me about stuff relating to S4 and that he did not want to be my friend. Although I'm staying fairly dark for my own purposes, I also want him to realize that he wanted it this way, too.
Quote: running wrote: Maybe your husband feeds on drama like that? I suspect he may be enthralled with the idea of "rescuing a damsel in distress." If so he's entering a fairy tale.
Yes, I think that's a huge part of this. My xH has cheated before (mostly before we were married) and each time it happened, it was a very vulnerable woman right out of a R. In fact, I was that woman when he met me. He is attracted to women who NEED him somehow. I don't know anything about this OW, so it's hard for me to really know what's going on but I would not be surprised to find that she's got a very low self-esteem, too. Anyone with a high self-esteem would steer clear of my xH for sure.
Regardless, he IS living in a fairy tale with her. I hope soon that the "shiny" will wear off and they will see each other for who they really are -- and that it will make my xH realize that he had something better back here.
Quote: OldFool wrote: Thanks for the encouragement. I hope one day we will be sharing our success stories instead of our frustrations and sorrow. But for now we must be patient.
I remember when I first started this process that everyone said I would need PATIENCE most of all. Boy, they were right.
Quote: OldFool wrote: If your WAH is so intent on being with the OW, then perhaps a quick D is better for you. Get him in there so he sees that the gilded lily isn't quite as great as she appears.
I pray it is so!
Quote: OldFool wrote: So two marriages went down the tubes in my case as well. I cannot fathom how anyone could look at such a situation and consider it a good foundation for building anything...let alone a relationship/marriage.
They aren't seeing it clearly. Their judgment is clouded. It's that "new relationship energy". When it wears off, that's when reality will sink in.
