I've been following your thread now that you're in the divorced group and my heart goes out to you. We share several elements in common...I'm just following along behind you a bit.
I'd like to think my WAW would one day feel like the song you shared. But I also know that its very possible she may never know the pain and destruction she has left in her wake. Some people just go through life blissfully ignorant of the impact they have on others.
In my personal sitch, I never had the chance to adjust to a separation as you did. My WAW and I were separated for only three weeks before she filed for D. So I almost went straight from "what's going on?!?" to "it's over" with barely enough time to breathe. The only good news is that in Oregon, you have to wait 90 days before a divorce can be final. Perhaps this "cooling off" period will give her time to consider slowing things down a bit. Sadly, you don't have that advantage (not that it'll do me any good).
As you love your H, I love my W, but I have come to the realization that I actually love the W I knew (and had married), not the one that exists at this particular point in time. This was a BIG thing for me as it allowed me to recognize that even if she returned tomorrow, I wouldn't actually want her back as she is.
Just as I need to change and improve, so does she. This understanding has greatly helped me detach and GAL. I am also walking the tightrope between moving on and keeping the possibility for reconciliation on the table. This has proven very difficult, but I'm doing my best. I keep reminding myself that I need to develop more patience and that I need to allow time and the Holy Spirit to work.
Like you, I have essentially gone dark and didn't take calls from my WAW (they've now stopped). Without children, this pretty much eliminated any contact other than the occasional e-mail. I hope it's the right thing to do...but hard to say. The good thing is that if we're not talking, she can't hurt me any more or try to bait me into rash statements or an argument. It's also taken the spotlight off me (as DR says) so she now has only herself and her issues to face.
My hope is that without me as a catalyst, the PA with OM will be on the ropes soon. However, I have no illusions and while such situations generally do end...and badly...sometimes this can take months and occasionally years. As long as the OM is a possible "plan B", there's not much incentive to work on our R so I've pretty much put everything on hold until the PA becomes more like an R.
Interestingly, it seems many folk become jealous and unhappy when the WAS tries to turn the PA into an R. For me, the damage was already done with the PA. Moving to an R is a positive, at least from my perspective, because it leads right back to all the problems that my WAW never addressed in our R.
If there's one thing that'll destroy anything with the OM, it will most likely be an R and all the pressures and problems that go with one. The PA is easy and fun, the R is complicated and hard work and whatever baggage she took from our R that hasn't been addressed will be right there waiting for her in the next R, ready to sabotage that as well.
I know, it's not much of a silver lining...but I've learned to grab what little I can. Perhaps you can use this thought to help you through the coming months as you wait, like me, for your WAS to find the grass tastes just the same "over there".
