Hi Liz!! I found you...you seem to be par for course. Just make sure you go easy on yourself...pamper and allow yourself the time necessary to grieve for the past relationship. I know what you mean about the "moments" Some times you feel so energized and excited, happy, you have a new opportunity in life! Then the next minute it is Blah, you miss everything. Just hang in there. You seem to be doing well by your post.
Now with you going 'dark' GOOD your emotions are prob too raw and if you talk to him; more than likely it would be easy for him to bait you. Plus he gets the chance to not call you and lean on you at this pivotal point in life. MEANING, i am sure he is having some emotion to this divorce and the only person he can show this emotion to is you. He may want to show it meanly or nicely, who knows. But he divorced you and right now is a good learning lesson for him to know he has to do this one on his own. And like i said, it lets you deal with things too and you wont feel inclined to fight with him or whatver may be the case.
Anyway...how is his relationship with your son? Does he hav set days he sees him and does he provide a fixed monthly amount in support? Just curious
Well dear hang in there and many hugs...xoxoxoxoxo
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
Quote: i am sure he is having some emotion to this divorce and the only person he can show this emotion to is you. He may want to show it meanly or nicely, who knows. But he divorced you and right now is a good learning lesson for him to know he has to do this one on his own.
I guess it's hard for me to imagine that he's having any sort of emotion at all -- other than joy and relief that it's finally over.
Quote: Anyway...how is his relationship with your son? Does he have set days he sees him and does he provide a fixed monthly amount in support? Just curious
He provides a fixed amount each month and he sees S4 twice a month -- every other weekend, basically. I've told him I'm open to him seeing him more, if he finds the time. He's stated that he's "very busy" and can't see him more than what is outlined in the paperwork. He went a whole month recently without seeing him -- and then because S4 was sick, he didn't really get to spend much time with him on his weekend. So, the plan was that he would spend today/tonight with S4. He never called to make arrangements, so he never did see him. Luckily, I didn't tell S4 about it so his hopes were not dashed.
Quote: You seem to be doing well by your post.
Yea, I guess I'm doing okay. I had a bit of a hard day today. I kept having crying fits on and off throughout the day, as it hit me that I am no longer his wife. 12 years is a long time to spend with someone and it's hard to let go. I wonder if he ever thinks of me fondly or misses me. I guess it's possible, but he'll not share that with me. His feelings for the OW have overshadowed any that he might have for me.
You very kindly posted a message of support when I first came on to these boards - just want to reciprocate.... feeling for you in your present situation.
Not much advice to offer right now, but keeping an eye on your sitch - wow, you have so much to offer, your H, sorry xH is crazy, loco in the head, but then what's new about this WAS/MLC phenomenon anyway????
I love your list of interests on myspace by the way, must engage you in some chat about quantum physics soon!!
Just found you over here and wanted to offer support. You do sound better, so that's good.
I saw your MySpace page. Wow! You are GORGEOUS!! All that plus the love, compassion and genuineness that you have shown here...You have so much to offer, Liz; if your STBXH isn't able to appreciate you, someone else surely will.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I am better, though I have my low moments. This morning, I woke up and watched Dr. Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention which really improved my overall mood. And then I spent the afternoon with a bunch of friends who kept telling me how great I look (lost a lot of weight!) and how they are so happy that I am happy again. I really put on the smiles and tried to have a really positive, upbeat attitude. And you know, the more I did it, the more "real" it felt. Before long, I really was happy to be out -- even though these friends are all friends of my xH's, too. It crossed my mind a few times that it wouldn't be a BAD thing for him to hear how great I'm looking these days, how happy I am, etc. So, maybe that'll work in my favor somehow.
I still can't seem to shake this weird feeling that it's NOT over, though. I mean, I should just believe it is -- after all, the papers will be finalized within just a few days. But there's still so much love in my heart for my xH and I still keep hoping that he's going to miss me someday soon.
My xH called a couple of hours ago and left a voicemail. I keep my ringer off most of the time so that I won't be compelled to answer his calls.
He said he was calling to see if next weekend was still his weekend with S4, because he was unsure (the holiday made him think I might want him all weekend, I guess). Anyhow, then he said, "Anyhow...I guess you're not answering my calls anymore. That's cool." He said it in a light, upbeat tone like he didn't care at all that I wasn't answering. But then again, if it didn't bother him, why bring it up?
So, I'm unsure how to proceed. I think I'll just wait and call his voicemail back tomorrow and leave a message that next weekend is good and ask him to let me know when he'll be by to pick up S4. I thought about calling him directly, but I really don't want to talk to him. I'm sure he's growing a little annoyed that I'm avoiding him, but oh well. He ignored me for most of the last few months.
Quote: It crossed my mind a few times that it wouldn't be a BAD thing for him to hear how great I'm looking these days, how happy I am, etc.
No, it wouldn't be a bad thing for him to hear how great your doing. Make sure your kids see your strength and positive outlook as well.
And you are right, when you act and make yourself feel positive you can be positive. Sure you have love in your heart for H, but that love can be shared in many ways with others who will appreciate your kindness, attention, etc..... There's other family members and friends to shower those feelings on.
Sometimes just being away from a H in MLC can be a huge relief. One thing I learned during the divorce was that I definitely didn't want H back unless he truly wanted to be with me and believed he'd be happier with me. I even said, if he was "on the fence" he might as well go through with it because I was really tired of all the BS.
Hopefully you'll find similar peace and strength. I do think you're on the way there...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Hey Liz ~ I absolutely agree that it would be a good thing for you h to hear how great you look and how great you are doing. And the whole act as if thing really works. When you start out acting as if you are having a good time it usually ends up that you are. I am glad you got out and had a good time.
By the way I believe if your h made the comment about you not taking his calls it is bothering him he just doesn't want to admit it.
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
I've been listening to some Johnny Cash tonight and when I heard this song (which I've heard easily hundreds of times in my life), it really hit me that it's almost the perfect song to my xH at this point. It's written about a woman, but the underlying meaning is so right on.
(So, this one's for you, baby...)
Everybody knows where you go when the sun goes down.
I think you only live to see the lights of town.
I wasted my time when I would try, try, try.
When the lights have lost their glow, you're gonna cry, cry, cry.
I lie awake at night and wait 'til you come in.
You stay a little while and then you're gone again.
Every question that I ask, I get a lie, lie, lie.
For every lie you tell, you're gonna cry, cry, cry.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry and you'll cry alone,
When everyone's forgotten and you're left on your own.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry.
Soon your sugar-daddies will all be gone.
You'll wake up some cold day and find you're alone.
You'll call to me but I'm gonna tell you: "Bye, bye, bye,"
When I turn around and walk away, you'll cry, cry, cry,
When your fickle little love gets old, no one will care for you.
You'll come back to me for a little love that's true.
I'll tell you no and you gonna ask me why, why, why?
When I remind you of all of this, you'll cry, cry, cry.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry and you'll cry alone,
When everyone's forgotten and you're left on your own.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry and you'll want me there,
It'll hurt when you think of the fool you've been.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry.
