I appreciate and applaud your frankness, I’ve seen a few instances on the BB where posts given with good intent have been misunderstood or caused offence. I’ve not come here to hide from the truth, but to expose it and deal with it. Nothing is more frightening than the unknown.
>>it sounds to me like your husband was not there really for you ever.<<
In your first lines, you have exposed the very heart of my fear. I was not aware I had made it obvious. This shows exactly what I meant; other people can see things we can’t see ourselves.
I am a Libra by birth; the Scales of my sign serve well as an analogy of my thought processes. I need to achieve the balance, and keep adding/removing to each side of the ‘mental argument’ to attain this.
On the surface of it, I enjoyed 10 years of very happy M followed by a 3yr spiral down into h#ll.
I can remember this one time, when I was blessed to be happy and know it; I think I was still working full time. I had got home in the evening; it was cold and wintry outside. I had got the fire lit, it was warm and cosy inside, my H had just phoned to say he was on his way home and I was rushing about getting dinner ready for his arrival. In the act of grovelling in the pan cupboard, I was suddenly engulfed by such an immense feeling of well-being, fulfilment and content, I can only call it bliss. It was the sort of moment you could live on for the rest of your life.
Anyway, I put this moment on my handy scales. It epitomises my feelings about the first 10 yrs of our M. On the other side I place selfish, a$$hole, deceitful, lying, wh#re-sha##ing b#stard H.
They do not balance.
The only way I can achieve balance is to add to ‘magic moment side’ a big helping of self-delusion, poor judgement and total blindness to reality
The above equation undermines and ridicules one whole quarter of my life, which knowledge I cannot swallow without choking.
The fact that my H still will wishes to remain attached to me, in some form or other, could be a blessing or a curse; he is either a sociopath feeding on my remains, or he is experiencing an ‘extreme temporary adjustment’ of some sort, and he too is clinging to the raft of our M through this.
Can u explain how you picked up on this fear? If you can’t, that’s ok, my scales will have to wobble wildly for a bit longer!
I haven’t read your sit. What answers do you seek yourself? I will help if I can.
