I am looking for constructive advise on what to do next.
I have been a member of this board for several years and while many of the threads have been interesting, nothing has really helped my situation.
We have been married for almost thirty years, have two grown kids and I make a very good income. My wife does not work. We travel extensively and generally enjoy each other's company and have a good room mate-like relationship.
About ten years ago my wife started going through menopause and lost all interest in sex. She has consistantly declined to take hormones (doctor had prescribed hormones but she is concerned about the side effects). She openly states that there is nothing I could possibly do to help her develop her interest level - in fact it only makes her angry if I try. Discussion is pretty much out of the question also as we have had a very unhappy time on this topic for ten years and not sure what else we could possibly talk about.
She clearly understands that I have a sex drive and that I am very frustrated by our absence of sex life - she says that on the rare occassions she "permits" duty sex (once or twice a year) she counts how long the whole nasty event takes and hopes it is over quickly. She has no interest in being touched and pushes away if there is any attempt on my part. She has no interest in any other form of intimate contact - she feels it is not up to her and questions why I need to involve her.
We have had many conversations around this situation and her position is that it is not her "fault" that she has lost her sex drive and that I should accept this and not come to her for any contact. If I must have a sex drive, I should keep it to myself. She has suggested that I go to the doctor to find a way to kill my sex drive - that would be the only fair and proper thing to do since she is not in a position to change. We have fought over this point, she has indicated that she knows that I am totally frustrated with the situation but she indicates that she can not change and I should just carry on.
I have tried the "keep myself otherwise occupied" routine but this only lasts so long. Amazingly, apart from the absence of our sex life, we have a good relationship and enjoy each other's company. Apart from separation, are there any suggestions for my situation?
