Hello everyone.. Im not new here but have been away for a while. I have kept up with some sitches here and still come back time to time for inspiration, and also to remember how bad off i was while going through my seperation. I have been home for over 6 months now..after 6 months apart during my W's A,as well as atleast another one nite stand kind of thing? Well now as i said i have been back 6 months..the first couple of months were great and things continue to be good..i mean my W appears to be madly in love with me,and still cant get enough of me on a daily basis,but its me that is now struggling with being back. I love my W....but i guess im struggling with now still having thoughts and visions of her with other people,and it tears me up. I still struggle with feeling special? i guess,and wondering if she only came back because it was the right thing to do,or only because her little A didnt work out like she planned. I am struggling with so many things.... My house no longer feels like my home to me..She violated it with other men.. I have trouble going out in public with her..wondering if we see one of her "friends"..i guess im embarassed? I guess in a way when i think about it,maybe im embarrased that i could still love my W after she has done such a thing,how can i feel like a man..i feel like she just walked all ocver me until she had nowhere else to turn. Again...She shows me,or tries to show me evryday that she loves me..i have continued to ask questions about things,and she gets defensive and just wants to move on,and says she will never hurt me again,but i guess the fact that she has never come "totally"clean about everything,it still enables my mind to wander. I want to stick this thing out,but i am having overwhelming thoughts of leaving lately,and i guess thinking i owe it to myself to see if this is what i really want.Its all i wanted while we were apart,and i well..YES this is what i want,but i feel like i shouldnt sell myself short.I dont want to be the that she settled for??? Just looking for some insight,and some advice,because i dont want to make the wrong decision,and anytime i try to talk about anything with my W,she gets angry and defensive,wondering why we just cant forget everything and worry about the future.I dont want to hurt my children anymore,and i want to give myself ample time to get over and past everything,but it has become increasingly hard...Its still a rollercoaster after 6 months back..up and down from one day to the next.
M 33 W 33 Married 13 years Together 16 Bomb Oct 2005 Back home May 2006
