Hi all, I have been pretty much lurking for some time (since Fall 05) but I need some advice. H and I have been separated since Summer 04. We drifted far apart but he always came to see the kids. We did a lot of things together with the children but nothing with just us two. Think that he was cake eating and I was allowing. We would ML from time to time. He basically cut me off outside of sex although I was too blind to see, I was hoping so much. I pursued and he ran until I got a handle (not a good one but okay I guess) on DBing. Asked him to go to counseling, workshops, retrovaille -- all refused even the appt that I made last Thanksgiving Friday 05 that he left me waiting for him alone at. HUMILIATING.
Noticed that he got very involved with a hobby. He confessed that there had been 2 people interested in him since our separation which would account for some of his missing blocks of time and unwillingness to spend time with me. Activities together with kids halts significantly and when we are together, we are on a time schedule always like he has someplace else to go. He becomes someone that I do not know ... This goes on for about a year, it began in August 2005 and got progressively worse as outlined above. I ask him if he would come home many times, all to have him practically SCREAM NO and NEVER. In fact he said that a few times.
Fast forward to August 2006, H starts to spend more time around (there was a major event that gave him some time to think) and we start to do things more often and regularly as a family. Once he asked if I wanted to go for a drive with him alone. I did. He fell asleep while I drove but, it was all good given the situation Still some secrecy and asserting of privacy but he does give an account of his day and time spent, his plans etc for the most part. We (kids too) are not in SBT which he agreed to go to as the kids have been acting out some.
I was a WAW and that seems to have sent H on a path to find whatever it was that was "missing". He will touch me lovingly and hug me from time to time when no one is watching, we have snuggled and ml a few times. Recently asked is he missed me and admitted yes. Asked if would come back to our relationship and said no, not at this time. This is an improvement over this time last year.
I need some advice.I am working on GAL (I have a little), lost some weight and changed my hair and clothes. I try to seem upbeat and look for topics that we can talk about. Still don't sleep much (neither does H). He seems to be in MLC but progressing through the tunnel. Not sure the stage,sometimes seems like replay and other times exhibits depression/acceptance. Still pretty focused on himself although he peeks out from time to time. My pastor feels that he has a self esteem/self worth issue and is having trouble crossing over into adulthood as he is 40. Still no commitment to return, although I remain optimistic. I know that I cannot do anything but is there any hope in this sitch? How do I really just get past it?
