Thanks for your advice oldtimer, I'll try to make sure that I'm not being conescending. That would be a huge improvement for me...she's always said I tend to talk down to people. I don't mean to...I just never realize I'm doing it until I look back on it. I'll definately pay attention my my approach. thanks again.
Oldtimer always has another look at things, I'm really glad she's on here (is a female right? ) I'm sorry OT!!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Haven't heard from W since I dropped the kids off on sunday. I really want to call and see if she's okay. But my gut says this is one of those times that I should just do my thing and let her call me. Am I right?
I would say that your gut is right. When is the next time you have to talk or see her again? like next time picking up the kids? How often does she usually call you?
ya, don't call her, it's only been two days if that. Now if she calls you every day and then all the sudden doesn't call for a week, then it would probably be okay to give a call and say, haven't talked to ya in a while, did you guys have a good week? blah blah
And if she does call, don't act like you've been dying to talk to her, but be interested in what she's done of course and also be enthusiastic about what you've done since you talked last.
I feel like I'm loosing my ability to give good advice. I hope that is good advice!?!
A not so pleasant way to think about this would be...thinking as if you were not getting your W back, would you be calling her now? If you guys had both decided it was over and she's still living with OM. would you be calling? I'm thinking the answer would be no. I know that isn't a great thing to think of, but it popped into my head for some reason.
Just hold out a little longer. IMHO.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Well a didn't call her but about an hour after I posted she called me. Her car broke down and she wasn't sure why. I explained to her what it sounded like to me and then let her go to my uncles parts store and charge them to my account. Told her we'll take care of the money after the holidays.
A funny thing happened when she went to get the parts. My dad happened to be there and they had about a 20 minute talk. He says that he told her that he and my mom still consider her part of the family and invited her and my step D to our christmas party on saturday. He says she had tears in her eyes and kinda just listened. THis is the first time he's seen her in months.
I know she's got alot of things on her mind right now and I think she's doing a bit of soul searching...usually I'd get in her face and declare my love for her. This time i'm gonna try something else and just sit back and do nothing.
oooooh. this is cool. What an opportunity this was. and timing that your dad was there too.
Yes, please do not profess your love. Just sit back and "watch". That is great advice you have given yourself!
Just remember to not expect anything and don't be dissappointed it doesn't go how you want it.
and Keep GALing for YOU and not for her!
Won't it be such a miracle you can share with others when/if your wife comes back to you and you have a wonderful new R with her?!?
Also, give your dad a pat on the back for saying what he did. He could have totally been rude or said something hateful for what she has done to you, but instead, he was compassionate. You must have an awesome dad.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Well the holidays are getting the best of me. I feel so down knowing that I have to get the kids back to her tomorrow and that I won't be able to wake up with them on monday.
A few notes...today she mentioned that a couple peopel pointed out to her that she tends to take everything out on me. Wouldn't tell me who but said it was a couple peopel and that she was working on that. D4 kinda grilled W today also. Asked if she loved daddy...if I was her husband and then went on to explain how we are family. W didn't really know what to say to that.
I'm really trying to stay the course here and not blow up but the next 48 hours or so are gonna be tough.
Hey, you just hang in there. I hope today wasn't too sad for you. Just remember, that no matter how bad it seems, you still have hope that you could have many wonderful christmas's in the future with your W and children together.
These are the times that will be the hardest, during the holidays when we are "suppose" to be spending it with the ones we love. Know that it is totally okay to be sad. We probably have all been there, I know I had.
But don't let that sadness linger. Overcome it with prayers and focus on your wellbeing and your happiness. Don't rely on your W to make you happy. I know it is tough, and I'm still working on that!
I'm glad I got a chance to log on and write.
I'm also glad to hear that your W has been confronted with her actions towards you, and that she has accepted it and is wanting to work on being better. That is great.
Look towards those small milestones. You've gone a long ways, and you can keep going!
May God bless the rest of your year and all the years following, Crissy
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I made it through okay. I was feeling pretty down last night but kept myself together. Today W was supposed to bring kids over at 3:00...but she actually showed up at 11:30. I was so surprised and happy. That was the best thing she could've done. We all exchanged gifts. The kids loved theirs and W seemed pretty happy with the Beyonce CD and Dane Cook DVD I got her so all went well. I cant wait until 2006 is over and I can put this miserable year behind me. I'm sure next year is going to be much better.
I have set a date in my head when I will say enough is enough. I dont plan on sharing that date with anyone (in case I need to change it). Based on the progress I've made I think it is a realistic time frame, and until then I'll continue the fight.
) I'm sorry OT!!!!