One other thing I forgot to mention before. I wrote a little fairytale for her months ago..spring time. It was just a cute little story about our life only in fairytale land. I asked her if she still had it and she said she did. Another small sign that she hasn't completely let go? I wrote it before she moved...so she took it with her to their current house.
Quote: I was thinking. It might be a nice gesture to get something for your kids secretly from her. Like, wrap them up and have them from her or something or give them to her to give to the kids. Then it wouldn't really be for her, but for them. just a thought. don't know if it would be good idea or not.
I thought maybe a good way to go with the christmas situation she is in, is to mail her an anonymous letter from Santa or something with a money order in it. This way she can get stuff for the kids and doesn't have to know it was me. I would appreciate any feedback on this idea.
Being a woman myself, I would find that very sweet. If you are at all worried about what she would spend it on, then maybe a gift card to a specific store could be the answer.
Just a thought.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
that does sound like a really sweet idea. Do you think she would figure it out? I really don't know if it would be good or not. I would also agree that getting a gift card would be better, I mean if you send a money order, how do you really know that she will use it the way you want her to use it? and who knows what the OM will try to convince her to use it for. I would pick a toy store or something like toys-r-us, they have everything practically and you could put in the santa note that this was a special giftcard for her to pick out something for the kids for xmas.
I also wouldn't ever let her know it was you, even if she brought it up, but instead say, wow-that is wonderful! I'm so happy for you. then quickly change the subject. then she'll always be wondering. Mystery is good!
with your fairytale, your really reminding myself of me. I was too focused on every little thing he did to try and figure out if he still cared or whatever. It only drove me crazy. I know it's so hard not to think about this stuf, and you want to make sure that what you are doing is right and working. I really truely believe that you need to stop worrying. You know deep down that you are becoming a better person, and that the person you were before wasn't really you. Eventually she will "get it" and she WILL want you back. So you just keep doing what your doing and concentrate on YOU. I think it would be a great time to get closer to God, maybe even find a good church to find some really supportive people. But I know your not very religious, I just like to see people be secure about their salvation, and it's usually during these times of struggles that they find it, or lose it.
I'm still praying for you.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know I am looking and dwelling on little things a bit much but I've been at this for a while and it's those little things that keep me going...whether they are really there or not.
As far as religion goes, I know where I stand with God. I don't comdemn anyone for their beliefs I just don't think I need a formal religios setting to be close to God.
Thanks you again for all you're help. I think I'm gonna get a Wal-Mart gift card for her. She probably will figure it out eventually...I'll probably be the first person she asks about it. I just can't let the kids wake up to nothing on christmas morning so I gotta do something.
I don't know if it's good dbing but I went and got a Wal-Mart gift card. My thoughts are when it comes to the kids and the magic of Christmas dbing is gonna take a back seat. So I'll mail that out tomorrow, It's be hard to keep it a secret though if she asks. I was never good at stuff like that with her, she says my lip quivers or something when I lie.
I hope you did the Santa thing, I thought that was really cute.
You don't have to lie. When she mentions it, just act like, wow that is great, I am really happy for you. If she flat out asks, you can always say in a coy voice. Well, the card said it was from Santa, so that must be who it's from. or something. I don't know. It probably isn't that big of a deal. She'll probably know it was from you anyways.
I'm glad that you have a relationship with God. I think it is truely important. If we don't believe there is life after this one, then what the heck are we doing? We might as well do whatever the heck we please, and care about only ourselves. But of course we know otherwise.
I understand what you mean about the little things. I really believe that someday your wife will turn around, as long as you continue to improve yourself and become the man you were meant to be.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Quote: I hope you did the Santa thing, I thought that was really cute.
I did do the santa thing. I typed up a short letter. "Dear XXX, I know it's been a troublesome year, and I know money is tight right now. It's not much but here is $$$. I hope it helps. Love Santa"
I think right away she'll know it's me cause I dont think anyone else would do it. I just cant bear the thought of the kids waking up to nothing on christmas morning.
I actually wrote them a letter and mailed it to them from santa. I had the W give me some ideas on stuff they need to be better about (ie homework). and sent it, so they'll think Santa is really watching.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Well today didn't go exactly how I had hopes it would go. W txt me while I was in school so I sent one back saying I would call her when I got done. The convo went okay basically talking about kids and christmas presents and what they wanted. Tried to get a couple ideas out of her for her. Talked for quite a bit, and hour+. Then things went south. I was trying to get an idea if she was going to be there to get the card I sent(I insured it so she'll have to sign for it) and I asked when the kid she's sitting would be picked up. She started to get all paranoid cause she thought maybe i sent flowers or something that would cause a problem for OM. She kept pushing and I finally said something to the effect "Fine we'll ruin this. I wanted to make sure you'd be there cause I sent you a gift card for $$$. I wanted to be sure you'd be there to sign for it." It went on to a huge R talk that I didn't want to have. Basically she thinks the card idea is the greatest thing I could ever do. But as far as the R goes she still feels like I throw alot of changes in her face. that I go over board a bit with things like flowers. I told her I'm just trying to do the things I didn't do before. It was quite a convo and I dont remember all the details but in the end she said she wants me to be like her best friend, that she likes not fighting and likes being able to talk. I told her I agree and that I wanted to be her best friend as well, I want to be the one she can say anything to. I want to be the one she comes to when she's in trouble. We joked a bit more and finally ended the convo on a good note, but some things were said that I don't think were in my best interest. Not sure how to go forward with this one, but at least it ended on a positive.
