When your dating OW, do you compare them to your W?
Do I compare other women to my W. In my head I do it constantly. the couple I have dated couldn't compare and that is why it didn't go any further than a date or two. After dating a couple women I realized that I wasn't over her, I tried to convince myself that I was but it didn't work. That is when I recommitted myself to dbing. I think it kinda took seeing what was on the other side of the fence to be able to appreciate what I've lost and what I'm fighting to get back.
Today we talked a little bit when we met (at our old house) to give her the support money. She was going on about how money is tight for them now and she couldn't even afford a tree for christmas. I wanted to offer her help but I didn't. Maybe it's time she fended for herself. After all I did just stick my neck way out by buying her a car.
I've heard it's to early to date if your comparing your dates to your ex.
BTW, it's best to probably keep your business with OW out of conversation with your W. It doesn't matter how innocent your contact is with them. Your W might perceive this as justification for her walking out and having her own affair. She will bring it up as justification for her actions even though it's after the fact of her leaving you.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Quote: I've heard it's to early to date if your comparing your dates to your ex.
BTW, it's best to probably keep your business with OW out of conversation with your W. It doesn't matter how innocent your contact is with them. Your W might perceive this as justification for her walking out and having her own affair. She will bring it up as justification for her actions even though it's after the fact of her leaving you.
You are absolutely right...I am not ready to date. Not even close. I know that now.
I'm glad that you've made that decision that it's too early to date. I would love to see you do the more respectable thing and wait till your M is either fixed, or dissolved thru D. It just makes you, even more so, the better person.
Good job in not handing out help. You did stick out your neck big time for her. That car was a huge deal. She needs to live in her consequences.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I couldn't get the kids for my normal weekend time because i had a tournament yesterday, so I'm spending time with them today then they go back to w this evening. At the drop off she was running late, and finally called to let me know she was running late. I asked if the kids were dragging their feet or something and she said atually it was her she wanted to get dressed for a change. Normally she doesn't care, she just shows up in pajama pants or whatever, but today she looked great, her hair was done and she was wearing a very flattering outfit. I asked if she had anything else to do, she said she was going home and then to get groceries. My thinking is she could have gotten dressed after she dropped the kids off and not been late...but she didn't. Once she got there we chatted a bit...she asked about the girl I mentioned before...I think with a slight bit of jealousy. Anyway we chatted a few minutes...flirted a bit and then I left. Tonites drop off should be interesting to see if it goes anything like this.
I droppped a small hint that I want her to make me my favorite food of hers...we'll see if she actually does.
WEll at the drop off she was in a visibly bad mood. I asked her what was wrong and she said she only has $130 for christmas. I think you fishing to see if I'd offer hlp...I didn't. Looks like things aren't so great in fantasy land right now.
That sounds cool that she was all dressed up! Sounds like she is trying to impress you.
Good job again with her trying to persuade you out of money.
I was thinking. It might be a nice gesture to get something for your kids secretly from her. Like, wrap them up and have them from her or something or give them to her to give to the kids. Then it wouldn't really be for her, but for them. just a thought. don't know if it would be good idea or not.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Not sure whether I'm gonna do anything at all to help with christmas...I have money so the kids won't be disappointed...they'll still have a great christmas. W is really frustrating me, we talked a bit about sex today, and she admitted that she "wants me" be doesn't want to be with me. I can't help but think that if she wasn't in the situation with OM that we'd be working things out right now.
A few things I'm not sure what direction to go in. She's let me in on what her budget is and I've done some figuring. I could afford her bills if we were together. My question is should i let her know this?
And She has been having recurring dreams about me chasing her and trying to kill her. I found a dream interpretation site and it says these types of dreams are a result of feelings or situations that you are running from. Should I bring it up or let her work it our on her own?
I know she still has feelings for me...I wish she would just admit it already so we could get this fixed.
DON'T SAY EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. Sorry for yelling.
I'm not an expert on the DB thing, but I'm pretty darn sure that would be the opposite of DBing.
If you mention you can afford the bills if she stayed with you, that would totally be pressuring her. I almost guarantee that she would definitely not do it, and that's totally not want you want. IMHO you should show her your sympathy, but nothing more. Plus, we want her to want YOU back for YOU, not your money.
Also, I would probably not mention the dream thing either. If she brings it up again, you could mention that you felt inclined to do a little research since the dream had to do with you using violence against her and you could tell her where you found the information. I don't know that I would tell her personally what it said, because most of the time, they will not really "listen" to what we have to say when it is regarding their "sanity" or their problems, or their "sin". So I really don't think it would do any good. But letting her know that you were curious about it since it had to do with you and it troubled her, you thought you could give her some resources about it if she was interested. That way she could read the stuff herself.
I think the only good that would come of it would be that she might be shocked that you cared about it enough to research it. I don't know.
Anyone else want to tell him not to say anything about the bills??????? I need someone to back me up.
I'm glad you asked, this is a great place to go, believe me!!!! I'm sure you know too!
Even though she said she didn't want to be with you, I think it is a good sign that she wanted you physically, I'm assuming. There is passion still there, and that's really good. She just needs to see that she can also have security, patience, compassion, and love. This will take a lot of time, but you can do it.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Quote: Even though she said she didn't want to be with you, I think it is a good sign that she wanted you physically, I'm assuming. There is passion still there, and that's really good. She just needs to see that she can also have security, patience, compassion, and love. This will take a lot of time, but you can do it.
Patience definately isn't one of my strong points, but I know you are right. I just have to stay the course I guess. It jus sucks to feel so close when we talk and realize that there is still some kind of connection there and hav eher refuse to see/admit it. I know she still has feelings...I just need her to realize that she can trust me...that is our major catch up now.
