Hey, I'm glad you were still checking your old post. I didn't even know you made a new one.

I totally agree with everyone that you should NOT help her financially. You'll only make it easier for her to be where she is. She needs to be MISERABLE! And only not miserable when she is in your company.

I'm not so sure that buying her a car was the right thing to do, however, I think that if you make it like your "loaning" it to her, or that when she has the means, she can pay you back. That way she will think, maybe you aren't reading so much into how she acts with you. And you are also making her responsible for her own actions.

I also agree that the only help you should do, is in regards for your children. If she needs any help now, it should come from the OM, not you. Because that is who she has decided to be with. Now our hope, is that in the future, she will learn and realize how unhappy she really is (because your not helping her every need, and the OM isn't really what she wants) and that YOU are the one she wants to be with. THEN, you can help her, or if she decides to leave her OM and go alone, then I think it would be appropriate to give some help like she were a friend in need.

In regards to the phone sex... that is cool! But just as you have learned.. don't read too much into it all. There were a few times my H was intimate with me, and then later tried to avoid me, almost as if he thought he made a mistake. That really hurt me.

Also, please make sure your not the one contacting her. Let her do that for the most part. You want it to be her to make this decision and you don't want any pressure on her whatsoever. This is going to take a long time, but you have made a decision that you want her back, so now you just have to prove to her by your actions that you ARE a changed man. This was also what brought my H back, but he told me he needed to make sure for himself that I was really changed and not just doing what a book told me to do. For you, because of the circumstance you were in, and the "hell" (for lack of a better word) you had put your wife in during the M, it's going to take you a long time to prove to her you are changed. So be patient. The results are already showing, but you don't want to screw it up. It's going to be slow. Besides the fact that she will need to decide to want to be with you again, she will have to break off another relationship to do it, so this will be hard.

I do think that she is calling you to have reasons to call you, or that she just wants to talk to you because you've become a more interesting and loving You. Be happy about it, but don't dwell and analize it because it will only cause you to struggle and stress.

Remember to not overdo the compliments or gifts, or whatever, because it will seem contrived and not sincere.

talk to you soon


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."