Today is our 8 year anniversary. Going to be a long day, but I have things to keep me busy.
The past week or two, we have been spending alot of time on the phone. The coversations have been on everything from the kids to the R to just bsing. Both have admitted to enjoying the convo. Some time back her car was repoed(partly my doing) so she has been using her mothers. I told her that I would help her get a new one, so this past weekend I went car shopping and found one that I thought she would like. I called her so she could check it out. When I called she was still in bed and apparently me calling and her leaving raised a bit of an issue for OM. Anyway she left and came car shopping with me. Didn't end up finding any thing she could live with so we went shopping in a couple of her favorite stores and had lunch. After getting through the initial anger of me upsetting OM we had a pretty good day.
Now yesterday we had a conversation about how I've misread things and I'm only seeing what I want to see. I'm over analyzing. She says we can't spend all day everyday talking. But I'm not always the one who makes first contact. Over the last couple weeks she has called me first. I'm usually in class so I text back asking if she needs something, she always says know just wanted to talk.
Through all her medical troubles lately I am the one who calls or txts her just to see if she is okay. The day she had a procedure done none of her "friends" or family could be bothered to come pick her up from the hospital, so I left in the middle of a class to drive 40 miles to pick her up. It seems I'm the only one who make sany effort to make her feel better.
I had mentioned in the other thread that we had exchanged fantasies, and that they almost always included each other. Well last week we were having one of these conversations and it ended with us having phone sex. She hasn't told him about this because she doesn't want to unnessecarily hurt him.
She has also hinted that things in the new R aren't what she wants. She's not completely happy. She feels kinda stuck due to money issues.
Between her making first contact, the phone sex and her confiding in me about her R...what am I supposed to think here. I felt like we were beginning to move in the right direction but I pushed to hard and she has pulled back. We still had a good R talk today but it didn't leave me feeling as optomistic. I know I need to pull back and let her do what she's gonna do but I am filled with so much emotion that I don't know what to do with. I'm back to the point where I want to talk to her all the time, I want to see her as much as possible. But I know all of this is counter-productive to my goal.
A few things coming up of note are, I'm driving to maine on saturday to pick up a car that I'm buying from my brother for my wife. And I had mentioned before about losing my job, well my severance period ends in a couple weeks and at that time child support is cut in half. She has no other income. So it will be interesting to see if OM is willing/able to pick up the financial slack.
I know I've pushed her away a little over the last couple days and I just need to do my own thing but damn this is hard.
Well I made it through the anniversary ok. Today is s6's bday though...so one day done one to go. normal days are much easier to get through now but the special occasions just rip my heart out.
Okay, I need some advice/insight here. Wifes current financial siuation is not great, can barely afford her bills. In 2-3 weeks her only income(child support) drops in half. I've looked into adding her back onto my car insurance to help out. Also my income drops quite a bit at that time as well, so I've asked her to help pay the cell phone bill. Should I try to help her, continue to pay the cell phone bill alone and let the chips fall where they may. I'm hoping om gets to the point where he doesn't want to have the financial responsibility that may be coming.
Wife doesn't even have enough money to pay for christmas.
Tough one. I have the same problem with my W. I want her to realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side without hurting her in anyway. I will pay her Jeep payment everynow and then but then I back a way for awhile so that I am not enabling the A to continue.
Only Advise I have is to do for her the same thing you would do as a friend. However you have read my Sitch.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Well today went okay. had some decent coversation with w. Called s6 to tell him happy bday, he said "guess what..I invited you". Wife is having a party for him this weekend and he says I'm invited, telling him I couldn't make it broke my heart. I kept myself from doing anything self destructive today but I'm feeling pretty down right now. What I wouldn't give for adam sandlers click remote right now...just to ffw through this pain part. I had done a pretty good job of detcahing but now I feel more attached than ever. THis is the most unfun roller coaster I've ever been on...the ride has been like 8 months or something, I've lost track.
Although I haven't read your sitch, helping her a lot financially sounds enabling to me. If it were me I'd help where the kids were concerned and pull back in other areas. If she's with OM then he should be helping her out. For Christmas I'd buy the kids gifts from myself, possibly get her a gift, and let her take care of her own Christmas.
You don't sound very detached to me. I'd plan something really fun to do on S's birthday (go out with friends and have a great time!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I totally agree w/running, DON"T help her our financially, she made her bed...
I know, you don't want her to be sad, but she'll never learn otherwise, let her figure our the car insurance payment too, specially if she has op, you are enabling her to live without you.
Why can't you go to your son's bday, because of her? your R w/your son is totally different from your R w/W, the only one who'd be punish by you now showing up is your son, unless you have an emergency I suggest you'd go, he's been through enough.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Put your S first SH. And running and Cat gave you good information. Do not help out financially. It is painful I know, but you have to take care of you and your S....not her.
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
I agree with the above. First and foremost now are your kids - don't let him feel like you've abandoned him because of her actions....he won't understand.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Wow, I was starting to think no one liked me. lol. and then you all come back with all this great advice. Thank you all very much.
Here is the sitch with my S. We are having seperate parties. I had one with my side this past weekend, it went great. She is having one this weekend with her side and om. I couldn't possibly be in the same room with him without tearing his head off so it's best that I don't go. I told my son that I had to go to my brothers (in maine...I'm in western NY) and he understood. My S and D are always first and foremost in my life and I think it's best for all involved to do the bday this way.
As far as her bills go...you're all absolutely right, she's on her own. Same with christmas, I've been smart enough to tuck money away so the kids won't be going without.
I am kinda being an enabler this weekend though with my trip to maine. I'm fronting her quite a bit of money and buying a car from my brother for her. I'm hoping by doing this that she'll see that I'm the one constantly helping her. I'm the one that gives a [censored]. BUt I also know that it could back fire and be a kick to the nuts....we'll see how it turns out.
thank you all for your help.
For anyone interested in my sitch try starting here.
