I know what you're going through. I've been in that place of feeling like I"m just going to lose it. Like everythign I do or see makes me cry. It's hard to snap out of that negative, hopeless frame of mind. But you CAN do it. I think you're loosing perspective. Again, I say this becuase I've been there. When I'm really low in a funk, I just can't think clearly. I feel that everythign is hopeless. IT'S NOT!
I know it's hard to go into stores with Christmas music playing and decoratiosn everywhere. The first time I saw all the Christmas stuff in Target a few weeks ago, I had to leave the store. I got in my car and sobbed. But I forced myself to go back a few days later and face it. I bought all new stuff for my house. I decided to make new traditions.
You will find a way to snap out of it. And once you do, you'll see with more clarity and perspective. What are the little things in life that you like? For example, I just bought myself some new yummy coffee and also mint cocoa. I also bought a nice big holiday mug. So, I take comfort in making myself a big mug of coffee, lighting a candle and watching TV. Simple things. The more you fill your life with the simple things you enjoy, the more comfort you will start to feel.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It won't last. You will feel better. It's hard to see it now, but it's true. Chin up.
Sweetie, I know how bad the panic attacks can be...I am on Celexa and Wellbutrin SR...Lexapro did not help much and I swear I lost 30 pounds....15 of which came back! Ack! Gotta work out!!!
AID has a point about the decorations and the shopping, etc....you know, hon, if you don't feel like it...don't do it right now. Eventually you will be strong enough to go shopping but wait until you are ready for it...You are still in the thick of it right now and I am sure it is all you can do just to get up every morning. However, I caution you not to stay there forever. Take baby steps to get yourself out of this funk. Start new traditions as Aid suggested...I am doing that this year and I feel really good about it.
I know you are anxious for your "real" H to show up...we are ALL anxious for that...patience has to be your friend right now...find a way to be patient. I know, I know...easier said than done...
Hang in there sweets!
Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Hey this isnt even talking about going shopping in christmas stores this is just the supermarket!!!!!!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Okay...but you have to eat right? Please tell me you don't weigh 88 pounds...
Sweets, you gotta get a grip...you must eat. You will become ill if you don't eat. That would not be good for you or your animals. Your H is being a selfish, mean man. Ok, we've surmised that. Nothing you can do about that sweets.
All you can do is pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get busy living. Whether your H comes back or stays with the OW or a goes through a barrage of OW, doesn't matter...what matters is YOU. What is it that YOU want? Have you thought about that? Trust me, hon, I was exactly where you are...and now, after months, I am feeling okay. I like Vali and I am thinking about what Vali wants and needs. One day you will get there too...
So, what thing would make PWS feel a tad better???? I'm not talking a weekend in Bermuda (wait, maybe I am....)...just a little thing? Reading a book, doing your toenails...having them done? What is that...something just for YOU. No one else. Think about it and let me know...
Hugs, Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
No I have gone from 158 to 125.....havent weighed that since I was 12 I want a massage and H holds the purse strings Vali....He can wine and dine OW but I was told no groceries for me this week. no money he said.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I guess it is hard because H is alll over town with OW, never has been secret......parks his truck out front at her apt over nite and is emotionless to me...like he wished i would just disappear.....not divorce cos that would cost $$...but just disappear and take care of myself, behaves in town like I dont exist...just OW...yet he is still MARRIED to me. Spews divorce , bad marriage to everyone as his validation...but doesnt file
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I am getting the same kind of thing but my H has filed. H insists on bringing OW to our youngest S's high school games where everyone knows us but doesn't bring her to S19's games where no one knows us. Doesn't make sense to me but I think it is the OW who insists on going to the one and not the other. She has nothing to prove at college games.
Divorce should have been final on Nov. 16 but H didn't like judges ruling for him to pay spousal support so it will go to trial on December 19 and of course I have to be there. Why not just rub salt in the wound.
Funny thing is, he still has a lot of stuff left in our garage and home that he makes no effort to get. I got tired of sending him things and reminding him that they are here so I just leave them here. Is that leaving a foot in the door or just being lazy. I could push the issue but I don't for two reasons, 1. If everything is gone from here it is over...2. He is a grown man and I am not going to continue to "take care" of things for him. I don't do it for S19 and S17 why should I do it for him?
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Well BND everyone H brought out papers! Angry cos i think he is in MLC...everything is my fault...he tried..when I asked.....he tried its over.....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
left out he D gee silly me.....i wanted this work out the other way......I really did....iwas hopeful that you said in a year he might start to come around.....I have 21 days to sign and return or he can summons by sheriff. Still spewing he tried everything.....when i asked when did you try and talk never. Its all over he said so i guess he means it
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
