for the first three months post bomb, shortly after having crawled out of bed and made tea, i would spend about five minutes dry retching in the bathroom.
i had no control over this, it was very frightening sometimes, convulsive and out of my control it seemed.
i knew i was making progress when this stopped. i also lost a lot of weight, easiest diet i ever did. ha.
i think that for a long time i kept expecting a miracle to happen and my H to just pop up and say 'oh silly me, i made a mistake'
i still think he may do that one day, but maybe long after i've healed from this.
it would, as horrible as this may sound, have been much easier to deal with if he had simply died.
