I want to respond to some of your text, but don't have answers. The answer is ... there are none that we can absorb. The answers to MLC are in MLC emotion and it defies human logic. Part of reason we call aliens ... aliens.
Kevin did nothing to you. Kevin does not exist. Kevin began to fade in and out of reality some time ago, longer than you would imagine. Then Kevin disappeared and the alien MLC MeMyselfAndI appeared. That person always had low self esteem whether it showed or was aggressively masked. That person always sensed somehow that the best part of youth was missed, wasted, or did not last long enough ... and wished for a Do-Over. The alien is intent on getting that Do-Over and will consume all that Kevin is until it has had its way with his mind and body. Sound absurd? Sound like a foolish attempt to excuse the horribly unacceptable behavior of a dirty rotten scoundrel? Fine ... prove me wrong. Any of you, take your best shot.
Been there, read the posts, the books, looking for the answers. Dear, there are none, just more questions. Some come here and write "aliens are a myth and an excuse for misconduct". Perhaps. You knew Kevin. What do you think? Which of any of our loved ones could do to us what they have in fact done?
So if the alien myth is just that, maybe we are "guilty of hiding our own failures and blame" as we buy into this analogy that our spouse is just gone MidLifeCrazy. OK
How many people that knew our old spouse feel the new person is perfectly fine? How normal does anyone think they are? You have to answer some of your own questions, we can only answer ours. None of us can prove the truths or myths of this abyss.
That does not mean we are all damned to live inside it forever. It does not mean we are doomed to be ruined emotionally, physically, and financially by it forever. I am not naive. We suffer all these things for a time, to an extent.
This is why I am really writing you. Please understand. You must suffer and grieve to move forward. You need to manage that and dilute it with some forgiveness for yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing about this before it happened. You couldn't. Forgive yourself for not being able to stop it. You can't. Forgive yourself for not wanting to live life. You will learn that is one of the hardest parts, wanting to move forward instead of parking in limbo.
There is nothing for you in limbo but pain. The amount of time you spend in limbo does not earn you more or less credit at the MLC bank. It does nothing positive for you. Talk to people about how to move on, even if you believe he will catch up. He probably will try when the time is right.
But you have to give him something to want to catch up to. It will be more appealing than what he already new and walked away from. It was not bad. Don't let him make you believe that. But in his insanity he left with one image of life, and as you see he continues to redefine that for his own justification of alien lifestyle desires.
Don't put life on hold while you hope and pray. Hope and prayer are essential. Start by hoping and praying for yourself, your health, your sanity, your own inner peace. Look for that inner peace we all forget. Pursue things that renew your focus on your inner peace. Use that to distract yourself from the abyss. We say here that what you focus on expands. The negative will even more quickly than the positive.
Focus on something positive about yourself. Focus on the positive things in other people. Take slow deep breaths. Be very still and listen to the silence, as the holy spirit within us all tells you that you are not lost. Learn to meditate on this. Learn to ignore the alien, do not focus on Kevin, live your life. Give him something he will want to return to when the time is right, not someone who has given up on life and been consumed by the alien acts. That offers him nothing but overwhelming intolerable blame and guilt. Trust me, he will have enough already by his own acts.
Reading is paramount. The knowledge you gain by reading will empower you to put things into perspective a little at a time, and to find peace within that. We can suggest books. We have articles here to share. We share posts, emotions, humor, along with stories about a stuffed Beaver and a bus full of nekid Barbies.
