ow thread locked........MLC Collateral damage

[Holly06]

pws,
The difference between us and MLCer is that we accept that we need to feel and get through the pain. We crawl through the depths of it, only to come to a peaceful place. It does not happen by waking up one day and the pain is gone. It takes moments, that gradually connect themselves, to form minutes, then hours and days. Your pain is so normal and real. Please do not avoid it, but accept it as something that you need to feel right now.
You will get to the place where we are now, more good times than bad. We also find that we rebound faster from the bad as time goes on.
Tears are helpful. Give in to them. Each time they end, you are left with a little endorphine high, that lasts a little while. Take advantage of those times to get a little busy and distract yourself with chores, or a walk. Lord knows he left us with lots more chores on our plate.
I know that when I get busy with something I feel better. When the bad times hit, give in to them if you can. I spent lots of time by myself. I also found when caring friends took me out to dinner, I needed to get home. Anxiety took hold. I needed to be home, and alone. Now those times are past. I am stronger, and my best moments are when I am helping others. That's just me, but there you are.
It is OK to be miserable. Just know that for your H, his time is coming. And he is in for much more pain than you are feeling. Try to keep that in mind if you are looking for a start for your compassion.
He has made his choices to avoid the pain that you are in, and he cannot find a cause for it like we can. He has to invent causes. When he figures it out, oh my.
hope this helps. We have all been there. We are all better for what we went through, and will continue to go through.
Cheers,
Holly