ow thread locked........MLC Collateral damage

[a new 2moro]

Kevin.

I know have come to the realization of several things
You lie and deceive like there is no tomorrow. If your mouth is open you are lying…….there for to have any contact with you is a pointless endeavor. You tell me your sum involvement with looking into that resort was talking to a realtor. I find out you have drawn up a sales agreement/plan of operation and submitted it to 3 banks. So I suspect I will next find out you actually did purchase it, coyly thru Sunset Properties where I suspect you are busy stashing everything you can from me. Lining your ducks up or should I say hiding the golden ones before you strike.
I thought your one nite stand was a last minute thing, because you were so pissed off at No Contact…at least that is what you said. After much thought I realize to have a nite at N Conway’s most expensive and luxurious hotel during Labor Day weekend took some planning……those reservations had to have been made weeks in advance if not months. My guess you were there for more than one nite. You did txt me that nite…(txting me every nite!)Hide in the bathroom or go on one of those infamous “walks”???? I now find out you lied about sleeping with her before then, there was another weekend tryst in July. So I suspect the sex part has been going on a lot longer than you said. You apologized and said it was a mistake and then you take her to equine affaire for 5 days....you just lie and lie and lie. And now Equine Affaire when you paraded her into MY world and worse yet paraded her into your bedroom in front of OUR employees. You just keep lying to me your wife, your friend How you can live with yourself is beyond my comprehension…….but then again I took my vows before you and God seriously. But then again I have morals where you are as morally bankrupt as your lover. What kind of woman goes after a married man????? (But she is using you as much as you are using her…a match made in heaven) Your vows to me meant as little to you as that piss behind the tree. I mean nothing to you after all these years except for someone to blame your internal misery on.
What you are spending on your trysts with her and buying her and yourself has floored me. Then there is no money for me and my needs. My horses are deprived of routine medical care. Oli is crippled because of what you spend on your child whore; he can’t have the meds to keep him sound and PAIN_FREE. They can’t get their teeth done because of what you are spending on your trysts with your child whore. You are a very bad heartless selfish man. I had to give Oli away so he can be properly cared for…..what am I gonna tell Andy……..not that you care.
Beamson…..my pony I owned since he was 3…..I have to give away because of what you spend on your child whore and your self. He is barefoot because “there is no money” There is money…..you are hiding it or spending like a deranged sick man on your child whore.
You said you were unhappy for 10 yrs……funny cos it started with 2 went to 4 then five now 10…….Typical MLC blather…read the handbook. It’s called rewriting the history of the relationship….all men in crisis do this to validate their insidious choices; pretty soon you will state you were never happy the entire time we were together. You parade your child whore around town announcing how unhappy you were with me to justify what you are doing. You are one sick bastard. And now Equine Affaire…that is the ultimate disrespect you have shown me and the marriage. I feel violated like I have been raped.
But I now see that the entire 25 years were a joke on me. You have been lying, deceiving and cheating (having affairs) on me for the entire time we have been together. But my eyes are wide open now. Oh you can counter with this and that……what you did for me…what you got me…….ALL guilt appeasement for what you were really doing to me. I will never see it for anything else.
But I want to thank you for Amadeus, Oli and Townie. Great horses given to me by a weak man with no love to give. I am now convinced God gave me OZ (Ami) back, my horse of a lifetime given back to me to survive your torment and abuse of me.
And that was before your crisis……..now you are incapable of being intimate with your self let alone someone else. The anger and pain inside you is eating you up so you have chosen to run from all you knew and have chosen feel good Band-Aids to ease the pain. Your anguish and pain is also taken out on me the closest to you…the one who loved you most. The pain, damage and carnage you have inflicted on me is beyond measure, you have to direct it anywhere but yourself. You are addicted to your band aids as someone is to drugs. It takes more and more to get less fix.
You see forgiving you is one thing….taking you back is entirely another. That window is closing rapidly. Too much carnage, lying, and deceit to get past though I would have tried. The two greatest gifts I had to offer were forgiveness and unconditional love.
Kind of ironic you ended up with your crisis…it stripped off the cloak of you were pretending to be to enable me to see who you really are. I am hurt I am broken, but I can still forgive….you on the other hand has nothing. I got the best you had to give…….your lover gets nothing. You are an empty hollow person with no feelings or love to share. What little you had was stripped away by the crisis…….the good news is you have 2-3 more years of this ever growing internal suffering and addicting behaviors for your feel good fixes openly displayed for all to see before you crash violently to the bottom of depression. You will then have to face yourself and worse yet you will see what you did to me. It wont be pretty when the truth comes crashing in. Though I sincerely doubt you have what it takes to look inside yourself and you will not have what it takes to do the work to get in my life again……you are just not that strong enough of a man. It will easier for you not to face what you have done to me and continue on with your child whore. Then what little moral value you had will return. The chances of me being there to pick up the pieces are slim. I will have moved on grown and blossomed in spite of your 25 yr abuse and degrading of me.
Sad part is I will always love you and you will always be my husband no matter what final pain and insidious things you choose to do to me. I married for life. You knew that truth 13 yrs ago. The truth is though you are a very bad man who cares for no one but himself. I made a terrible mistake coming over that nite 25 yrs ago.