I'm glad you posted so we can know you are okay. YOu do sound down, but you've had a really rough 6 months.
You sound resolved about letting H sink or swim as far as the loan payment goes. That seems really healthy to me, he is not a child and he can't expect you to be responsible for him when he has ducked out of the M. I'm really proud of you.
As to the rest, I only know to take it one day at a time, and not feel rushed as to any decision. You have lots of support here no matter what you decide you need to do.
Please give Snooky a hug from me and be extra good to yourself. This is a tough time of year for many, including those of us dealing with wandering alien spouses.
