MLC over??

[PositivelyListening]

Wow, Wed, your answers to my questions were really helpful to me. One thing I get, is how important it is to "mix it up". DB Coach Chuck said this to me too. I have worked so hard all this time at being consistent and stable. You said:

I guess I was just never comfortable with our R in any of these modes (friends, lovers, cordial, angry). If one stage lasted too long, like when I was nice, friendly and ignored the fact that he was seeing OW, eventually I would get mad, feel like a doormat, stand up for myself and my rights and cut off contact. I never let him get comfortable with OW for too long without stirring things up.

DB Coach Chuck said (and you remind me of it too) that H is expecting, even waiting to see my anger at some point. H will need to see my anger, and see that I can be angry and still be respectful. But disagree nonetheless. I don't know when that will come up, but there is no doubt in my mind that sometime after the holidays and this upcoming trip, I will be allowing the next level of my authenticity to emerge with H. I have only been angry with him once in this past year, and actually a lot of good came from that even though it was really scary for me afterwards. I am less scared of being angry with H now, but it just hasn't come up in front of H in a while, it's come up later, more like frustration.

It also impressed me from reading your post, that if your timing is intuitive, you can help them "wake up". I realize though, if you try to force things too soon, it won't work out. I can tell that my H needs more time. I am certain about that. I can really relate to that arrogant, cocky, distant manner you saw in your H - I have seen that with my H too, but it comes and goes. Tuesday he was like that. Saturday, he was sweet, helpful, caring.

Thanks so much for all of this detail Wed. It is extremely helpful to me. I will print it out to support me later. Blessings to you as you carry on!