MLC over??

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Wed,

I am so grateful for your post. It is stories like yours that keep me going. I truly believe my H is in the midst of MLC. I have worried sometimes that my H will not come back to our M because he does not have the long history with me that some MLCers do with their LBS's at this stage. But my H's R with me is the longest R he has ever had, and I am quite sure that my H will discover that the grass is not greener over there if I give him some time.

How is it that your H finally realized that it was an addiction to OW, and that he needed help and went to a C? Did that come to him totally on his own, or did you help in some way? I have not had a chance to read all of your threads, but how would you characterize your R during the time you were S? And how did you successfully confront the OW #2 and with H Ok with that? Was it that your R had developed to such a point that the trust was there for you to be more assertive, or was it that your H couldn't risk losing you as it was an ultimatum?

Any advice you could give me on my sitch would be most helpful, Wed. I am so curious if you see any similarities in my current timeline & sitch that would give me hope from your perspective. My H I suspect will be in a 2 year A. I am hoping for less, but it has been since Aug 2005 that it started, and Jan 2006 when H told me and we S. My H knows I remain committed to and standing for our M, and although he has tested and protested, H has taken no action steps to end our M. He keeps me at a distance, has a wall, but is generally sweet to me, and when he is not and has that mean unkind selfish stance, I am realizing it is not about me. We are taking a trip together in January to see his family.

The most exciting thing to me about your posts, is that your H describes this dreamland fog that he has emerged from. I could accept anything (life with or without my H) (even though I would much prefer with) as long as I could see my H as himself again, that himself but the wiser, stronger, more loving, more grounded person as you describe. I would walk over hot coals for that day, no matter what the outcome of our M. So, I am hanging in. Thanks Wed, for any insights you have time to provide.

I also want to comment on the fact that your H is not sying ILY yet, but he is being publicly affectionate and tender towards you. I think your H is being very brave. I think the MLCer was so afraid of being engulfed, and the ILY is kind of like the final "I am back for good". it has got to be so scary for them. because, remember they were running before, they thought they were so sure. So now they know that they are not sure of anything, and they don't want to ever hurt you again. The truth is, it needs not to matter whether your H ever says ILY again. Becasue there are tons of people that say ILY and lie. Watch your H's actions, and revel in that. Notice what he does, and revel in that. And if he ever does say ILy (which I am sure he will one day) you will know he is telling the truth, because it was so scary and so hard for him to get to that point. God bless you, Wed. You are doing so great. Thank you for being an inspiration.