MLC over??

[wed2alien]

Hello everyone,

It's been 3 weeks since I have posted, though I have tried to keep up with everyone's threads.

Just wanted to update on H since he moved home in September and we have been "reconciling" as it is called. His decision in May to really work on this marriage had been an interesting change of events, his "awakening" I think.

I don't know how to describe our R or my feelings about it all but I will try. All I know is that H is different this time, so much like the H I married, but changed in a more mature way, like he is accepting getting older, he is enjoying things he used to before MLC (like our kids and the mundane tasks that come with having a family).

I don't see any depression, sadness, or pity, even about his job which he had complained about. He is positive, has energy, smiles bigger and has gotten his sense of humor and fun back which was missing for many years before replay started. That dead, confused look in his eyes is gone.

Our R is a little harder to describe. He is nice, calls me many times during the day, likes us to do things together, and we seem more aware of how to communicate better. We seem more connected. He is not critical of me anymore, is patient, does not complain about the dirty house, or the kids. It just seems like things don't annoy him anymore. He worries less and lets things roll off his shoulders.

We ML but there are no romantic words, or R talk, no ILY, no kissing, but ML is sweeter and more caring than in the past. He hugs me in front of the kids, puts his arm around me and holds my hand in front of friends and in public, something he has not done in years. He sleeps with me and does not complain about my snoring!! He snuggles before he falls asleep and when he wakes.

These are all BIG changes for him and though I would love more (like romantic gestures, cards, ILY, I am trying to be patient as I know he is trying and he is a little uncomfortable feeling relaxed and letting these gestures happen naturally. Or maybe he doesn't feel them yet. We have to work at them.

I can't say I feel safe and secure or feel certain that he loves me like he did when we married, or that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I verbalize this to him and he isn't great at reassuring me by saying "I want to grow old with you" but will say things like, "this is where I am happiest."

I guess that is a big step for him. It is a big step for me to verbalize to him how I am feeling and what he can do to meet my needs. If we go too long without talking about our R or any "touchy-feely" talk, I get a little concerned and we discuss it and I feel better about things.

I guess I am journaling this for myself too, so I can look back in 6 more months and maybe see progress no matter how slow it seems to me now.

And maybe it will help others who may see similar behavior in their WAS, as they begin their return to earth.

I guess our worries and fears that they will return to their old ways will be with us for awhile but hopefully lessen over time as trust and love is rebuilt. I can see that happening slowly.

Sorry if this is too long. I do want to keep in touch with this BB as it keeps me grounded and realistic in my expectations of my returning MLCer.

wed2alien