MLC over??

[wed2alien]

Happy Thanksgiving to all,

I know this can be sad day for many as our partners are in MLC. I hope I can offer some hope, some insight to maybe what the other side looks like. I know I always wanted to know what MLCers act like, what they say and think as they exit the tunnel, which I think my H is doing.

I don't know how to describe it, other than his perspective on the whole "replay" stage is different and things like denial, anger, lying, OW have all subsided as he has calmed down. Like he can view it from a distance or from afar and see just what it was and what he did to his family. He actually has insight into his behavior and actions whereas he didn't when he was with OW. And this has lasted for months unlike the "glimpses" he had for the past 2 yrs.

We don't talk about it a lot, his final awakening being in May of this year after 2 yrs of replay and many more leading up to it.

He has VERY gradually become more involved in our home, family, routine, and the day to day problems that come with life (carpooling kids, kids schedules and athletics, school life and grades, house repairs that need to be done, involved in finances and bills, etc). I had still "sheltered" him from some problems that I was afraid would overwelm him as his high stress job, long hours traveling, seem to be all that he could handle. Just normal household problems, (appliance repairs, kids discipline, etc).

Anyway, the last week we have had 2 cars have problems, one major that will be very expensive to fix. I could see the worry on his face, worried how we were going to pay for it, the other bills we have etc. It scared me as I was afraid he would want to "run" from responsibility and problems like he has done before, regret his decision to come home. He used to verbalize how he just wanted to run away, to only have himself to worry about.

We went to dinner last night and I brought this up, something I would have never done before. I got tearful as I told him I get fears that he wished he had divorced me, that it would have been easier for him to just pay a monthly check for child support, he could be free of all these "family" hassles that come with life and kids.

For the first time since all this started, he said that he doesn't think that, that the sacrifices and worries are worth it to have us in his life. And his eyes showed that he was sincere, that he wasn't just saying it to try to convince himself that he felt that way. He even has a semi positive outlook on our bills.

So our fears must take a long time to subside, just as it must take the MLCer a long time to "feel" things again, for their spouse and family. We just have to remember to not let their down moods bring us down. I guess that is why PMA is so important for us to have. They need to see optimism in us.

Sorry if this it too long, but I still look for signs he is progressing and I guess he is overall, though some days it doesn't seem like it. Any glimmer of hope that I see, helps keep in this game of MLC I guess.

So keep this in mind, this Thanksgiving.

wed2alien