I feel like we are living the same lives. What you said about being tired of feeling unloved, is exactly what I am feeling right now. I have been, and am, working so hard to save this marriage, and he feels that leaving her, and switching jobs should be enough. It's not.
I think he feels like a bolt of lightning will strike him, and he will suddenly be in love with me again. Like you said, personal conversations would be a nice start, then maybe some dating. He didn't just fall in love with the OW by sitting across from her at work, he didn't fall in love with me all those years ago by talking on the phone about what kind of insurance we need to get. We need personal interaction, but he fears that means a R discussion, it doesn't.
In order to have the A, I think he had to think of me as the enemy, and kept things as impersonal as he could between us. Now that I'm not the enemy, he doesn't know how to talk to me.
Sometimes I forget he is still in MLC. He has followed all of the stages almost exactly, but because he is aware of his depression, and MLC now, I forget he still can't control it. By the way, I get the parental tone from my H too. Those conversations never end good.
I guess I really don't have any advice for you. I wish I did, I could use some myself. Try not to be resentful. I told my H last week that I hoped he didn't wake up and find himself in the position I did last January. He said that he didn't think anything could hurt him right now. I think that pretty much sums up their mental state. Nothing hurts them, but they forget, even though we have been strong through all of this, we still hurt.
