MLC over??

[wed2alien]

I don't know if anyone remembers me, I posted in the spring. H began replay 2.5 yrs ago, had OW, we almost divorced in May. Anyway now he is home and everything is different.

I'll try to link old posts:
Is this how it ends?

waiting for the other shoe to drop?
The seas are calming I think

Brief history:
M 21 yrs
Both 47
3 kids D12,s15, s16

2000-2002, Big job changes, forced out of 20yr job, loss of income and status, took lower paying job, moved to smaller house, very depressed.

April 04 Got the ILYBNILWY speech, discovered EA/PA with friend/neighbor, he moved out, I became Stepford wife, lost 30#, was in denial. He had his cake and ate it too.

Mar 06 Has moved out 3-4 times, finally ended EA/PA after 50-60 attempts, actually she moved on after her D, is on 2nd boyfriend. Debatable who ended it, but ugly things were said, his blinders were off and saw who she really was and what he had done.

May 06 He attempted OW#2, I discovered and confronted him after less than a month, he ended it with her and has said he wants to work on M. Actually I think he found OW#2 was not what he wanted or maybe he is waking up.

June 06 Discovered contact with OW#2 2 weeks after he ended it and had "recommitted to me". I confronted her and currently acts like old H more than not. Still has anger some days.


Since the middle of June, he has been more "normal" than alien. The OW thing is really over, after 2.5 yrs. The whole statement that affairs don't last more than 6 months was not true in my case. I would say their "fantasy" love and romance was over in 6 months, but it took him another 2 yrs of wavering, continual contact with her though he denied it, slowly waking up and seeing OW AND their relationship for what she was. It took a counselor who specialized in addictions to help him truly end it with OW.

Once he realized it was over, his OW withdrawl was really bad, not that he was depressed and withdrawn like the books made it sound like it would be. He retreated back and acted just like he did at the beginning of replay, (a real angry jerk alien) like when I got the ILYBNILWY speech. He was all manic, out partying, even tried another OW # 2 only to realize it wasn't the same, that they were all just "empty relationships" as he now calls them. This lasted about 1-2 months and tested me like no other time.

H is out of the fog I think. It is like he looks at the past 2.5 yrs like they were a dream, like they never happened, or like he can see them as an observer, at just how stupid, destructive and hurtful it was.

We saw OW over the weekend at a social function, the first time in 6 months. (H moved back home in September). He actually stayed by my side, touched me, and said we will put up a united front to her (just like all the affair books say and just like I had been asking him every time we tried to reconcile and he said it was over with her!). It took him 2.5 yrs to get to this point, he never wanted to do it until now. (was afraid it would hurt her feelings!!!). Now he is more concerned about mine!!

We talked later about it, I asked how it was to see her and he was very supportive and reassuring to his committment to me and our M. He described what he went through as "you think something different is better, then you realize what you had was all you ever wanted and needed."

Maybe that summarizes what MLC is like??

I'll post more later. I know this is long but I just wanted to let others know what it is like when the MLCer wakes up and starts calming down and seeing what they did and when all the chaos, anger, OW, are over!

Hang in there!

wed2alien