Not sure if I am officially piecing yet....

[want2bmarried]

Thank you Mrs. for caring. I am better today. Thankfully its been a busy week so I haven't had alot of time to think. I also haven't heard from WAH in two days. For me its easier to not hear from him than play the mind games. I know this has been hard on my kids and I need to fake it for them if I have to. I did have a long lunch with my kids dad yesterday. We do that every so often to make sure we are on the same page with the kids. He expressed his concern about WAH's actions lately as well. He told me that he doesn't want WAH to contact the kids until he has made a decision to come back. Its way too confusing for them and they are on the emotional rollercoaster as well. This way, if he never does come back they can start putting their lives together. I understood his point. He even offered to call WAH for me if I wanted.

I am hanging in there. I miss my husband and miss the person he WAS. I hope he realizes his choices before its too late.

[want2bmarried]

Need to vent a bit:

I am feeling sort of sad today. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and its one of those days I will just have to get thru. We were supposed to have WAH's whole family here this year. I am not really sure what his plans are. He has family here that support him so I know he won't be alone. My kids will be with their dad and I guess I will go to my mom's. I really have no desire to.

Do you ever wonder if the WAS' feel sad and lonely on the holidays or do you think they feel nothing but happiness?

[MissH]

I am going to think my H has got to have some kind of sadness this Thanksgiving whether he admits it or not. I am at my parent's house this weekend with my entire family and the only one that is not here is H. He must feel kind of stupid about that.

I know it is hard, but we got to try to make the best of the holidays this year. Hang in there W2BM. You'll survive and so will I.

[want2bmarried]

don't mean to be a downer, but I am sad today. I miss my H and I miss my family. Why does it have to be this way?

H sent a text late last night, "hope you have a good Thanksgiving." I didn't reply. I was trying to DB. So I sent one back this morning "thanks, you too"

So hard to believe its come to this. I don't even want to have Thanksgivng.

[want2bmarried]

Update:

Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The morning was rough, but the afternoon got better. I went to breakfast with my kids and they headed off to their dads to be with his family. That's when I felt low. My kids weren't here and H was with his own family and we were not nor will we have another Thanksgiving together.

Early afternoon I got a call from my kids dad (my first ex) and he found out from the kids that I would be alone. He invited me for dinner at his house with his whole family. I was really nervous but I went. They really are great people and they made me feel welcome. It was a great day and i hardly thought of my WAH. I did here and there, but when I did I thought how happy I was to be with my kids today.

I just got home and starting to think again. Trying to change the tapes in my head now from sadness to "his loss". I had a decent day and I think I am going to send my first ex a card tomorrow to say thank you for being so understanding with me these past few months. He could have rubbed all of this in my face, but not once has he. THAT is a man of integrity and kindness. My WAH has none.

[want2bmarried]

Another update:

Got a text from WAH last night. He asked how my Thanksgiving was. I was actually taking a long bubble bath and didn't get the text for awhile. He sent another one asking where I was. I am very familiar with the pattern now. I said home. He said im coming over.

He got here and said that his mom is in town and she said he needed to go and talk to his wife. Good old mom. It was the same thing, he wanted to sleep with me and I said that right now I couldn't. That we needed to be on the road to recovery. He said he wanted it, but did the whole im not sure, we have to take it slow, we still have 4 months until D is final, etc. What is the holdup?

So he ended up staying till the middle of the night, just hanging out and talking. It was so nice. I can wait, but I am just so afraid that at the end of it he will say no and I have lost all of these months and time trying to rebuild my life. His idea of taking it slow is just talking and seeing eachother once in awhile. How do you put the past behind you that way? He said he would call later today and asked if I wanted to do something tonight. I said yes, but typically he runs about this point so I am not getting too excited.

Any thoughts?