I am not frustrated it is that I would love to reach through the computer and give you a big hug and then slap you! I have been where you are. I wish I had listened more because once the crisis was over I saw things so differently and I saw how much of my time I wasted on focusing on my Husbands bullshit.
During the 2 years of separation I could have completed my degree. I could have taken more photography classes. I could have travelled. I could have done so many things. And now, that time is gone and what have I accomplished? I did alot of changing and learned alot about who I am and about MLC, but I wish I had used my time more wisely.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I wish you could reach through the computer too. I could use a hug and a good slap!
I really don't want to waste anymore time. When I think about all the days and nights I have spent just worrying about what my future holds , how I can get H to come home, etc. , I get so angry. I know it is useless and a waste of my precious life to worry about something that I have no control over ( H's feelings )
As hard as it is I have got to get a grip on this whole thing and start to focus on me and my kids right now. It's the only thing I can do. I can't afford to waste anymore time. Life is too short and my kids are only young once.
Oh, I had a really bad night. This is affecting my kids so much. I have a 15 year old daughter that is quite headstrong. As well as her dad and I do coparenting, I am generally the one who talks with teachers, puts restrictions down, the one that always "finds out" what she is doing. I tell her dad and he comes down on her, but she resents me alot. This separation from WAH (her stepdad and buddy) has been hard on her. Yesterday he contacted all 3 of my kids. Two didn't answer him and my 15D decides she wants to have lunch with him. I don't understand why she feels this loyalty. He contacts them just to play games. I am not allowed or encouraged to spend time with his kids. So, last night she asked me if she can have lunch with him today. I calmly said I didn't think that was a good idea. Well, WWIII broke out. We ended up in the biggest fight, yelling, screaming, she threw the phone and wanted to live with her dad, etc. She hated me. She went completely over the edge. Her and I have butted heads on alot of stuff, but she is one angry kid.
I need some help here. Please. I am devastated.
Me: 41
WAH: 32
Married 11 months
5 kids between us
WAH left: 7/1/06
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB40&Number=1279331&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
WAH filed: 8/31/06
Well, as I type this she is with WAH. He is her buddy. She is having lunch with him and his family. Was I invited or included? This is the same guy that thinks I am a worthless piece of crap and wants a D, and he is having lunch with my D. Im sure he is making himself look great in her eyes. I hate this, but the more I fight it the worse it gets. He came by to pick her up and didn't even come in. He is the good guy in all of this and I am the bad one. No matter what I tell her, she believes everything he says.
Me: 41
WAH: 32
Married 11 months
5 kids between us
WAH left: 7/1/06
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB40&Number=1279331&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
WAH filed: 8/31/06
I know it is hard on the kids. My d14 has taken it the hardest. She is one angry kid. I have her in C, but she wears a mask in front of the C. Acts like everything is fine, but I know better. My H also doesn't want me spending anytime with his kids ( my stepkids). My kids grew up with H's kids and now they don't see each other. Whenever I suggest that the kids get together H finds an excuse. He says he doesn't have a problem with the kids staying in contact with one another , but he isn't encouraging it either. H wants all ties cut , I 'm not really sure why.
Why do they have to be so immature? Is H worried that my kids may tell his kids things that he doesn't want them to know? Not sure....
Why is it so wrong for your D to have lunch with her SD? Honestly what is the problem? I think you need to learn to separate the two different things. I am sorry you were not invited which is where I think the real issue is. Your feelings were hurt and now you are going to stop your D15 from having cantact with the man she knows as her Dad. I think you really need to think about things a little more clearly. I think you need to grow up. It is your perception that he is playing games. Why can't you look at it as he is maintaining a connection to your kids and that should make you happy. STOP FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVES ALL OF THE TIME. YOU ARE BECOMING A DOWNER. Can you put a smile on your face? Can you look at the positives?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Well, my WAH is not her dad, he is her stepdad. She has a dad she is close to. I don't have an issue with them spending time together, but it turns into a pump for information session, lies and false hope. If it were time that he spent honestly I dont care. But he asks questions about what I am doing and feeling, tells her that I am the one who wants the D and that I am not willing to make changes. He will also tell her that he stopped the D when he hasn't, still loves and misses me and wants to come home. So she comes back and is either elated for no reason and gets her bubble burst or she is devastated. I DO have a problem with that!!
Me: 41
WAH: 32
Married 11 months
5 kids between us
WAH left: 7/1/06
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB40&Number=1279331&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
WAH filed: 8/31/06
Well, as I type this she is with WAH. He is her buddy. She is having lunch with him and his family. Was I invited or included? This is the same guy that thinks I am a worthless piece of crap and wants a D, and he is having lunch with my D. Im sure he is making himself look great in her eyes.
SO EXPLAIN THIS POST. THESE ARE YOUR WORDS, NOT MINE.
YES, He is her stepdad, the man you chose to marry and build a relationship with and include your children.
This is also the man that you admit is her "buddy".
No you were not invited. And again you are ASSuming things.
You can NOT control other people, you need to understand that.
When you are ready to take the next step and stop the bullshit, and stop driving yourself insane I will be here for you.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
