Not sure if I am officially piecing yet....

[want2bmarried]

Update:

Nothing new from WAH. Haven't heard from him since he told me he wants his "space".

I have not driven by one time in two days. Thats a big deal for me. It's been hard and I have to drive a bit out of my way to not do it, but I have fought off the urges. I have to keep telling myself "who cares what he is doing. It doesn't matter anymore".

Yesterday and last night were really lonely. My kids were with thier dad and I had alot of time on my hands. I spent alot of time on the computer looking things up. I did have a hard conversation with my mom again. I really don't want to do anything for Thanksgiving. My kids will be with thier dad and I don't feel like going to my moms and pretend I am happy. It just seems that if my kids are not there I shouldn't force myself to do that right now. Seems like a big effort. My family does not know the entire sitch with my WAH (drugs, anger, flopping) and I don't want to deal with it. My siblings lives are perfect and they have never been in my shoes so I will end up getting that "you are better off anyway, move on and be happy, this is the best thing to ever happen to you" advice. Needless to say, my mom is not happy with me. Great more stress and guilt.

Today I am going to the local college and taking the assesment test. I want to start taking a class or two starting next semester. I have never worked and been a SAHM. It may take me many years to achieve my goal, but I want to start. Financially I hope I have enough time to get thru school before I have to go to work. I only want to start off with one or two classes a semester. I still have 3 kids at home and this is a big transition for them as well and to be honest they are a little concerned about me leaping out into the world. They only know me as being home with them.

Another day to be strong....