Not sure if I am officially piecing yet....

[want2bmarried]

Thank you KTF and BND. No, you didn't discourage me before. I know all of this about the sitch. It seems pretty hopeless anyway. I have put myself in this position over and over again. And each time I swear I won't do it again, but a few phone calls, nice texts, great words and great sex gets me right back.

I did make it all day yesterday without one drive by. I literally have to go a bit out of my way not to. His street is just one block over where I drive to go home.

I don't know if I told you all what my T said about my relationship with H. It is an addiction. I am addicted to him. I find that rather ironic as my H has that addiction to Rx pills and now more and more with alcohol. So I am addicted to him. Right now I am in the withdrawl phase and its hard. Then he gives me a little fix, then i withdraw again. And like the drug addiction, the withdrawl phase is the hardest, but once you reach the other side you are so much better. I need to get there.

My son13 who heard him here the other night asked me if he was coming back. I felt so bad. I said as of right now no he isn't. I tried to perk it up with we will be fine and happy either way, etc. But his eyes looked sad. I think partly because he does love H, but partly because I think they are so sick and tired of me being up and down depending on what my H does. I am a pretty readable book. I don't hide emotions well.

Thank you for your words. Please keep them coming. I check this board all day. When I am down and weak especially.

Hugs to you.