losing all sense of positiveness

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

Hi Five
Like your handle. Can you give yourself a High Five. I am not passing judgement on either of you. Throwing rocks is dangerous inside a glass RV.

You sound like my X. My X stated being overwhelmed by a spouse with a controlling personality is worse than what you stated was your reaction. Ivory towers 3000 miles (1000 in my case) away from family is tough. X stated her personality was being ground down to nothing leaving her in basicly a depressed sorry mess. Her reactions were not too stellar.

I wanted a family and was not willing to put the effort required to make that family a success so I resorted to control tatics. Eventually the family rebelled and escaped.

From my perspective as the dominate personality It's very difficult for a controller to change their ways. It usually takes very tramatic negative events coming Fast hard and continious before a controller faces that ugly mirror and decides he/she is not the center of the world.


Accept the situation: His tatics and your response.
Choose: Which direction you want to go. I'd research what he is. The orgins probably predate you. He alone can change it and maintain that change.
Take the course of action: Healthy dose of forgiveness. We are not talking trust but forgiveness is easier to achieve with understanding. That is the gift you give yourself to heal and have good judgement. (He may still have issues that contributed to the situation. Heck I do.)

I'd pray a lot with the knowledge when you ask for a tree you may get a seed, leaky bucket, rusty shovel, and a confusing set of directions to the water hole. Just refer to the old Stones song 'You don't always get what you want'. Miracles can happen but I would not depend on one in the way you expect it.
Sorry so general just passing on experience.

If you get any measure of success then give yourself a high five.