Do you IM??? I'm have my MSN messenger open right now... I'm blanked out, as if "offline", but I'm hiding. I'm really on-line. Try me at striped_horse@hotmail.com...
As I've said before, we HAVE busted the divorce, now we are just trying to salvage the marriage, and it seems to be all about communication. It's a hard road....
Z, any wise words you may have to guide the rest of the herd on the journey, we are all ears... (striped ... of course!)
Communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves) ... still the biggest hurdle that is keeping my W & me from getting closer....
Nice to hear from you again..glad you have busted the d..I sure hope some day I can say the same as some of the rest of you..guess I am still at the beginning stages. Take care Sue
Quoting KAW: Communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves) ... still the biggest hurdle that is keeping my W & me from getting closer....
KAW, I'm finding this to be true as well. I've also been watching friends who are "happily married". They have the same problems with communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves) , but they work it out, they agree to disagree, they understand that not all problems are solvable. They work it out...
Uh, I'm back. Don't know for how long, but I'm gonna try to be around. I own this forum a lot for helping me save my marriage. I want to be here to offer advice. I want you to offer advice to me. Maybe I'll even introduce you all to Mrs. Zebra.
We are doing well, and I chose to answer this old post because this is the thing that's keeping the going slow... communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves). W and I are both "conflict avoiders". In the past, that meant we would react and attack when an issue that could result in conflict would arrise. Better to be on the offense than the defense.... WRONG!!!!!
Now, we are learning empathize with each other's struggle to raise a potential conflict inducing subject. I think I'm better than W, but then, I've had more training and support from this board. Really, I mean that. I can bite my tongue where she will react. I can be considerate where she will be cynical. I've learned from watching my own emotions and reactions that it's all about how we respond to subjects that make us uncomfortable. We must "respond rather than react", and we must identify what it is that makes us want to "react" and inflict pain or humiliation... In my case it's feeling threatened or insecure and being unwilling to admit that weakness. This is your spouse, you most beloved partner... you may show weakness here. You don't have to feel you must win, and in fact can't win unless you both reach a level of understanding.
You hit it KAW... communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves). And trust. And acceptance. And respect.
Plan A is working. OM is gone, or just an aquaintance. My marriage is recovering. The divorce is busted.
Now, I'm focusing more on me than I ever did, making me more of a whole person. W encourages this. We are a team, more than ever... separately happy, but together. She's happier than me, but I'm working on being happier WITH me.
zebra, You did so well through all of this - many would not have had the success you have chosen. Was is your MIL or FIL that was to move in? Did that happen? I pray that your wife's "friend" and all that "support club" have disappeared or will be replaced with marriage friendly couples ! You deserve this! Faith. Hope. Love. LSL
