Quoting KAW: Communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves) ... still the biggest hurdle that is keeping my W & me from getting closer....
KAW, I'm finding this to be true as well. I've also been watching friends who are "happily married". They have the same problems with communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves) , but they work it out, they agree to disagree, they understand that not all problems are solvable. They work it out...
Uh, I'm back. Don't know for how long, but I'm gonna try to be around. I own this forum a lot for helping me save my marriage. I want to be here to offer advice. I want you to offer advice to me. Maybe I'll even introduce you all to Mrs. Zebra.
We are doing well, and I chose to answer this old post because this is the thing that's keeping the going slow... communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves). W and I are both "conflict avoiders". In the past, that meant we would react and attack when an issue that could result in conflict would arrise. Better to be on the offense than the defense.... WRONG!!!!!
Now, we are learning empathize with each other's struggle to raise a potential conflict inducing subject. I think I'm better than W, but then, I've had more training and support from this board. Really, I mean that. I can bite my tongue where she will react. I can be considerate where she will be cynical. I've learned from watching my own emotions and reactions that it's all about how we respond to subjects that make us uncomfortable. We must "respond rather than react", and we must identify what it is that makes us want to "react" and inflict pain or humiliation... In my case it's feeling threatened or insecure and being unwilling to admit that weakness. This is your spouse, you most beloved partner... you may show weakness here. You don't have to feel you must win, and in fact can't win unless you both reach a level of understanding.
You hit it KAW... communication (in the realm of sharing about ourselves). And trust. And acceptance. And respect.
