Zebra, good luck in your new adventures. You have pulled me up when I just needed to hear something positive. I will miss your kindness, but surely understand what you need to do right now. I agree about finding this board, I really don't know what I would have done. There is a reason for everything. My best to you and your family on your FIL coming to live with you. We had to put my Dad in a home a few years ago, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, embrace the time you all have. Life, as we know, is precious. Sue
z, just wanted to say hello wish you a happy healthy holiday season. hoping that you and your wife are growing ever closer still, that you finger is healing well (and that you don't damage yourself anymore stear clear of ladders for a while ok) and that dd is on the mend and doing well!! LL
Quoting Zebra: So, I'm leaving here for a while. Recently, I feel I've been helpful to some as a kind of "senior spokesman" on this board, but mostly, I've been trying to help you all through painful stuff I've already seen. I'm not so smart, not so wise. I need to try some of the things I've learned and see how well they really work. I guess it's all worked somewhat, because I'm still married, and the OM has receeded to a point of insignificance. I must have done something right!
Walter Cronkite couldn't have "signed off" any better. Best of luck.
zebra, hope you and w are still on that wonderful road to a healthy emotional r...know that the rest will come with time...michelle has a new book out that may help with that..."the sex starved marriage"
just stopping by to wish you a happy and healthy holiday season.
Zebra, Hope all is well and you are ready to start a new beginning in 2003 with you wife. How is the FIL sitch going? You are a very wise man and a generaous one to give of yourself to others on this BB and in life. I miss your insight and you are in my prayers. I checked in on Rachel's thread and I think she has really "got it" this time and abandoned her old ways that did not work! You have demonstrated that perseverance that will see you through! Happy New Year! Happy New Life! Faith. Hope. Love. LSL
Although we've never communicated, Zebra, I have to say I find comfort in much of what you've written in your posts. After just finding out about my W having an A, we are on the road to recovery with her proclaimation to really work on the M. She basically said almost verbatim what you previously posted: "She did her best to assure me that she's back, and she's working on us, and on her issues with intimacy with us."
So many interesting insights here. Your legacy has offered me hope.
bellis, I'm so happy for you that your W has decided to work on it all. Now, I believe your job (like mine) is to be as totally supportive of her as you can, as empithetic of her confusion with her choices as possible, and selflessly honest with yourself about your contribution to the problems in your marriage. Then, work together to bring things around and rebuild.
I've been reading things on the Marriage Builder's sight lately, partly at the suggestion of our C. I believe that Marriage Builders offers some terrific insight about why things went awry and how to get thing back on track in the marriage once the divorce is "busted", while this sight offers tremendous support for the left spouse to build and maintain the respolve to "bust" the divorce in the first place. Anyway, on that sight, I'm working through the sections on infidelity, and trying to come to terms on the sections on trust and honesty. I hope to get W into this too, with the help of the C.
I got some nice R related Christmas gifts from W. First, you might have noted that W has had a divorce lawyer on retainer since Sept 2001. Well, she has released the lawyer and presented me with a check for the refunded retainer. I immediately gave it back saying that it is her money, and I hope she spends in on something to celebrate and build her life. She also started to break down the barriers to physical intimacy, (Nod, nod, wink, wink) If you catch my drift... (Merry Christmas to me) I had a big smile on when we went down stairs for Christmas morning!!!
It's still a long road, and I am still working on it and I still don't know how it will all end up. Things are going very, very well though.
If you catch my drift... (Merry Christmas to me) I had a big smile on when we went down stairs for Christmas morning!!!