It's time for me to leave this board for a while. I've done it in the past, but mostly for a "mental health" day, or week or so. Now, it's time to leave. In the past few weeks, I've been living a life I stopped living when the "bomb" dropped, and I've been living well. I need to do more of that, and less of hiding on this board. I will lurk, but I won't post much. Lately, this board has become more of an obsession for me than it has in a long, long time. I feel I post to help, but I'm still in pain, where I first posted to ease my pain. Now, the way my sitch is going, I need to "stay with the pain" so I can better understand how to ease it within my R, since W has given me permission to do so, and she has been helping ease my pain, allowing me to help her ease hers. I need to experience my pain within my R, and share my pain with my W, and make it safer and safer for her to share hers with me. I need to re-establish emotional exchange within my marriage. Cuz, it seems, my W is willing to have me do so!
There are other things going on, things that will distract me from my self-absorbtion... We are about to invite my father-in-law to live with us, he moves in tomorrow... This I see as good from the R POV, but a hard road... He has Alzheimers, and we (the family) all know he will end up in a home, but we are all not ready for that yet. Our C even says this might be a blessing in disguise, because it will give W and I a common cause. Already, in the preparation for his coming, we have re-connected, re-bonded in ways we haven't in many, many months -- or years. But at the same time, we are all aware the this is the kind of thing that splits marriages. The interesting thing here is that our marriage is already split, and needs a "common cause", and this may be the trick! C agrees...
So, I'm leaving here for a while. Recently, I feel I've been helpful to some as a kind of "senior spokesman" on this board, but mostly, I've been trying to help you all through painful stuff I've already seen. I'm not so smart, not so wise. I need to try some of the things I've learned and see how well they really work. I guess it's all worked somewhat, because I'm still married, and the OM has receeded to a point of insignificance. I must have done something right!
Please if you wish, feel free to contact me. I will check in, and I will look at the board, but I've found it hurts my PMA to do so too much. But I will read.
Thank you everyone, thank you Michele. I don't even want to consider where I would be today if I had not found this board. I think it has saved my life!
I guess the next time I post will be to start a new thread, since I'm well past the 100 "limit" now. See you then...
