The fat lady is warming up....

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

OF - But I agree. I do not want my wife back if we are going to go through the same old same - old again. (To wit, the A). I don't want my old M back. It wasn't bad, but it was only "good enough" - not great. That's no longer acceptable to me.

But I'm approaching it differently, and I was trying to figure out why we took different paths.

My approach has always been - let her WANT to reconcile, and if/when she does, then we can try to tackle the other issues. If we can resolve the other issues, then we'll give it a go under a set of conditions we can agree to (MC, change of schedules, etc). But your approach seems to be to want her to tackle the issues first, then if her way of handling those issues is acceptable to you, you'd try to reconcile. I think you are expecting too much from her. She can't pass your test, because she doesn't know/doesn't realize/understand/doesn't remember the importance - or maybe even isn't sure on how to answer the concerns. Especially if you're not talking to her (because of LRT). I just think your approach leaves her too many decisions to make with no sense of priority.

For my W - she knows all she has to do is say she wants to reconcile and we can try to work out the terms.

Your W may or may not know what to do. May or may not remember all the things you'e discussed in the past. May or may not have even been listening (considering the A).

It's just an opinion - but I'm curious as to why you are leaning this way.