Thanks. I don't want to make it appear she's the only one that needs work. It's just that at this point, I've demonstrated I'm willing to do the hard work I need to do and now it's her turn to demonstrate she is willing to as well.
I_Wanna_Make_It_Work:
I think you hit the nail on the head without realizing it. She is saying and doing things that may be signs she is interested in reexamining things. But "may" is the operative word. There are equally good explanations for her statements and actions that have nothing to do with the M or R.
For example, she is still going to counseling. I think this is a good sign, but that doesn't mean it is. She may be going because she isn't as ready to give up as she thought. She may be going because she's recognized she has problems and wants to work on them (this could go either way...as a step toward reconciling or as a way to improve the prospects of a successful R with the OM). She may be going because she truly hopes that "we can part as friends" as she has stated. She may be going in the hope she can absolve herself of guilt. She may be going because she doesn't want to be the one that "bailed out of counseling".
My point is that as of right now, I have nothing concrete with which to work...only suppositions, guesses, and hopes. DR says, "You need to stay interested, but cool, until you are absolutely convinced that your spouse's renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold."
If that's true, I have nothing upon which to be "absolutely convinced" nor has my WAW directly said or exhibited anything to leave me with a reason to believe she has a "renewed interest in saving [our] marriage". She has not asked to date or to talk about the R, has not indicated she wants to postpone or abandon the D, and has not stated an interest in working on the M or possible future reconciliation.
In light of that, I don't see any other course of action than the LRT. In the context of "keep doing what works", I see no reason to do otherwise. The downward spiral has stopped (which is good) and I think there are some signs that *may* be positive. But I don't think it's enough yet and I've learned enough patience through all this to let things go a bit.
There's also one other thing that has left me where I am. Right now I don't want my WAW back. She's got enough problems that remain unaddressed (let alone unresolved) that I have no interest in diving back in...provided she even wanted to.
While in the early days, I'd have been happy to have her come back...if for no other reason than to give me an opportunity to reject *her* (very mature, huh?), I haven't felt that way for some time now. I have no interest in encouraging the R at this point because I don't know that we share the same life values and principles anymore. If we don't, then we can't be together and her decision to work on the M would only force me to put her through the pain she caused me (and as cruel as she has been to me, I have no interest in doing that to her).
So right now my goal is to be as neutral as possible. I am not encouraging the M *or* the D. I am trying to leave the door open to the possibility of reconcilation without leaving the impression I am willing to accept it right now. My desire is that we not make any move...one way or the other...until we've both worked through some issues, had some serious discussions about what we want and expect, and made sure we're both at a place where we could reasonably expect a successful reconciliation.
Having rattled through all that, I guess the short answer to your question is, "No, I do not want to be more encouraging at this point".
