The fat lady is warming up....

[RMG77739]

I've never closed the door, but I'm not willing to accept just any kind of reconciliation. My WAW is going to have to do a little paving of her own (which doesn't mean I don't have to do my share) and if she's not capable of that, then there's not much to save. You can't repair a M (at least for the long haul) with one party that can't/won't do any of the work.

You can make it look like it's working if one party does all the heavy lifting, but it won't last. I can attest to that personally. Before my W split, I was doing most of the heavy lifting emotionally and in support of my W (and had warned her several times the "well is running dry"), but didn't get anything back. When I couldn't hold up everything by myself any longer and gave up, she just dropped out.

I'm not doing that again!! She'll have to prove her ability and willingness to do the hard work if we're going to put anything together. She's already demonstrated her ability to cut and run when the going gets tough.

OF,

I agree. You need to set the expectations. People have asked me "What if WAW changes her mind about the D AND wants to reconcile?" I always say that is all well and good. HOWEVER, she will have to do several things including the following:

1.Go to at least six SBT sessions to work on M issues.
2.Go to church weekly with me.
3.Go to Marriage Mentors at church with me.
4.Improve her communication skills.

Of course, I would have several things to work on as well. I am willing to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty.

However, she would not just waltz in an continue the M. That simply would not work. She NEEDS to work on her issues.

RMG