The fat lady is warming up....

[alamogirl]

Hi there Oldfool,

I so agree with you what you said that if your wife is feeling bad about the whole situation, then you all must be doing something wrong.

I had hoped to post good news, but my situation isn't getting any better.

Several days after H filed D papers, we actually had lunch (21 Nov), and it was like old times . Anyway, let me back up. About two days before we had lunch, he called me to answer some questions I had e-mailed him (again ). After he finished answering my questions, he asked me if I was angry at him. I responded by saying that I was disappointed in him. He opened the door to a discussion about our marriage, so I took advantage of it. He had already filed for D so what did I have to lose, right?

I told him that I thought we were making a big mistake, and then I gave him reasons why. I told him that I was reading a book (Divorce Remedy) and talked about the first chapter in the book regarding the divorce trap. He seemed to be receptive to the conversation. I thought he was going to cut me off. After I was done, he said that he would give what I said some thought. At that very moment, I felt a glimmer of hope. I felt that he had cracked open the door just a tad. I told him that I was going to e-mail him the first chapter of the book. I also told him that I was going to mail him something. He gave me his address without hesitation.

I wrote him a 6-page handwritten letter. In it, I merely reiterated what the first chapter of DR discussed. I gave him more examples why I thought we should work things out. I sent it "priority," and it was delivered the Friday after Thanksgiving (24 Nov). I don't know when he read my letter but I haven't heard a peep from him since the day I called to ask him for his address (22 Nov). I know I went against the rules of DB, but following DB wasn't working either .

I reasoned that he was waiting to read my letter after finals, which was last week. But still, I thought that maybe he would have at least sent an e-mail acknowledging the package. My therapist thought it was very disrespectful of him to diss me like that.

We stopped attending joint counseling; however, I'm still attending with my own therapist. BTW, my therapist suggested that I read the same book you purchased about the languages of love.

Anyway, it's been more than a month since my H filed for divorce. You know, I was even hoping that he had asked his lawyer to hold back on my summons. But, no such luck. Today, I got the "call." I told the "server" that I couldn't get out of work just yet, and that I had explained to my H's lawyer, that I wanted to be served at home. Needless to say, I didn't get served today. Hopefully, he'll call tomorrow, and we can make some kind of arrangement to meet. I have to admit that even though I knew about the filing, it felt like someone punched me in the gut when the "caller" identified himself. The whole situation caught me off guard. I feel like crap.

I don't know how much longer I can remain positive. At this point, should I just take the summons as my H's way of saying, "Let's go ahead with the divorce," or should I wait until I hear something from him? It's so unlike him not to call, ya know? You must be thinking that I'm nuts!

It's just that I know in my heart that we're making a terrible mistake. Right now, he can't see it, but in time, he will. Our marriage is salvageable. I think I would feel better if it wasn't. At least I would know that we were divorcing for a good reason.

All my best,

alamogirl