Not much to report. The lawyers pass papers and documents between themselves every now and again as the D progresses toward negotiations. But no new news, per se.
WAW still in joint counseling "for closure". Had a meeting last week and have another one tomorrow night. Last week, she said she was sorry. First time I think I've ever heard it in a way that made me think she might have actually meant it. Prior times (the few there were) were more perfunctory.
I figure as long as she's in counseling of some kind, it's a good thing. It's true when they say love is blind. Now that it's been over two months since the separation, I can see my W more objectively and am amazed at the number of problems she has. However, many (most?) are from what is apparently a low self-esteem. I didn't even know/recognize this was an issue until now...not that I could have done anything about it (that kind of thing has to come from inside a person, not from someone else).
At any rate, I've stayed detached and dark, have continued to go along with the joint counseling, and have continued my own individual counseling. I've also continued to stay connected to this board and tried to help others (which has helped me refine my own perspective and thoughts).
I continue to be extremely pessimistic about the chances for any useful reconciliation (or at least one in any kind of time frame that would make a lick of difference to me). Still, I have left the door open if she can work through some fairly fundamental issues she has.
This weekend I had a small holiday party (six people) and it was very good GALing. It forced me to put up the Xmas lights, tree, and decorations. My heart wasn't in it, but after getting everything up, I have to admit I do feel more "in the spirit" than I expected. The evening was very nice, everyone had a good time, and the WAW came up in conversation just one time and I didn't give her a second thought for more than six hours. I didn't think that was too bad and it was a delightful respite from my sitch.
It's been interesting to see the response from my WAW about the party. I didn't tell her anything about it, but two of the guests were a couple we were friends with when together. As they were the only connection, they must have told her about it because she made a point of mentioning the party at our last joint counseling session (and twice later). I found this interesting because if she doesn't care about anything, why ask about it or mention it?
It was also interesting that the W of the couple (who was my WAW's best friend back in high school) didn't end up showing up and spent the night with my WAW instead...though her H still came. Was she bothered that I was having friends over on a Sat. night and she was doing nothing? Who knows.
One of the guests was also an old (and now divorced) female friend I knew back in high school. She has been very kind to me during this period of my life and I have enjoyed her company and her insight greatly. We aren't an "item" (as some of my friends have asked) but we're very comfortable with each other and are old enough and have gone through enough to just be ourselves and enjoy whatever we may be doing together.
Of course the H doesn't know all this (and I wasn't going to tell him) so all he saw was this unknown woman who was very friendly, pretty, and complimentary who just dropped in and made herself right at home. Before he even left, his W (who was or had just been with my WAW) called him and was apparently asking him about the party, who attended, etc.
I'm sure all of this went right back to my WAW sometime today so it will be interesting to see if the topic comes up in Monday's counseling session. I'd guess my WAW figured she leave the marriage and move on without me. But it appears I'm moving on without *her*! If the party bothered her already, the fact that it looks like another woman is checking out the goods is really gonna bite.
Of course, that's not the case (though I wouldn't rule it out forever and ever). But she's not going to get enough info. from the friend to know that. And that's fine with me. She's filed for divorce and wants closure. Part of that is the other party moving on to new people and she's going to have to come to terms with that. She has her OM, but funny how the shoe pinches when it's on the other foot.
As an aside, it's kind of nice to know who the mole is. I can use this to my advantage by controlling the flow of information back to my WAW (who, for someone who says she can't stand me and wants a divorce, is surprisingly interested in what I'm doing, who I'm seeing, and where I'm going). I can hold back certain information I do *not* want to get back to my WAW and make sure certain things are known that I *do* want to get back to my WAW.
Well, I guess there was more to report than I thought. Sorry for the length. Thanks for checking up on me. All things considered, I'm feeling pretty good.
