The fat lady is warming up....

[alamogirl]

Hi oldfool,

My H moved into an apartment (Jun 06) about 2 weeks after he announced he was leaving. He is sharing a two-bedroom apt with his son.

I am in individual and joint counseling. I do plan to continue individual counseling. Since my H announced to me that he was ready to file D papers, we will discontinue our joint sessions. What's the point? He has not filed.

The house was so quiet tonight. I could almost hear my heart beating. When my H lived at home, it was always noisy. He was always playing with the dogs and the TV was always on. He also listened to radio talk show. I remember how I used to complain when he used to drag me to Home Depot or Lowe's. He used to bribe me with an ice-cream sundae at Sonic. How I wish I could turn back the time...sigh.

I don't know if you do this, but I've been thinking of the months leading to our breakup. I remember the weekend before the breakup. He was diligently cleaning the bedroom windows. I remember, he installed a shelf for me in the kitchen and asked me what I was planning to use it for. At the time, I thought it odd because we had already decided to use it as a message center. We even went to 4 different hardware stores looking for the right brackets to install the shelf. I remember the week that he left, he slept in our bed maybe once. I remember waking up in the middle of the night with this awful gut feeling. I just knew something was wrong.

The Friday before he left, we were hanging out in the backyard playing with our dogs and having a couple of beers. He seemed like his old self. I know that I wouldn't have been able to pull off something like that. If I was the one who left, there is no way I would have been hanging out with my H right the night before. It's almost like he was "celebrating" his last night as husband and wife.

He left the following Saturday right after he came back from a golfing event. I was on my way to my niece's HS graduation, and we passed each other as I headed out the door. Something didn't seem right, and I felt uneasy the whole time I was driving to the event. I almost returned home. I didn't enjoy myself at the graduation because I felt like someone had kicked my gut. That feeling was back. When the graduation ended, and I congratulated my niece, I couldn't wait to get out of there. As I was driving home, I called the house to let him know I was on my way home as we were accustomed to doing. There was no answer. I called his cell, and again, no answer. I left messages on both. When I arrived home, his car was gone. I went inside the house and the house was unusually quiet and dark. He always left his desk lamp and the radio on in his office. This time--dead silence. I changed clothes and called my H again--no answer and left another message. I started panicking and something told me to go inside his office. I went inside, didn't see anything unusual, and as I was about to walk out the door, I saw "it." There was a note on his desk. I picked it up, and to tell you the truth, I still didn't realize what I was about to read. Then I saw the word "leaving," and then I lost it. I remember running through the hallway saying, "No, no, no." After I finally composed myself, I called again, this time telling him that I found his note. He called me back, and he came home to talk. I'll never forget that evening!

I'm sorry to be going on and on. I don't think I've done this much venting on these boards. You just seem like a nice person who is easy to "talk" to.

I guess, I'll end this post . Thanks for listening.

alamogirl