My condolences to you. I agree with your statement about sex. I suspect it was an excuse. I wasn't getting enough of the sex part (or the intimacy part...which I readily admit I didn't realize I needed so much at the time) in my M, but I would never have thought of leaving my W over it!! Like you, I've always believed that Rs have their highs and lows and that you get through them and move on. Nothing is permanent.
Not everyone apparently agrees and I think there is a very real "grass is greener" element that comes into play. I was very realistic when I married (of course, I was 33 at the time) so I expected work, sacrifice, and hardships. Not all of those all the time, mind you, but some of all of them over different times.
I suspect that my W (who was 23 at the time) did not and I think it ultimately messed things up. In marketing they say perception is reality. And they're right. If my W perceives that things will be better elsewhere, that's where she's going to head. This is a logical response, provided that things truly *will* be better elsewhere.
It's also consistent with Michelle's statements regarding how society in general treats divorce as a relatively painless thing where everyone just decides to part and no one is ever really hurt, the kids are fine, and the whole group are best friends after its all over. What rubbish!
But the biggest problem for my W is that she's carrying a lot of baggage and she's going to take that with her and that's likely to result in things *not* being better elsewhere. But then I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
My M is headed for D with a bullet (thanks to my W) so I have no realistic hope of any progress anytime soon. She is an intelligent woman, but I've discovered she's the kind that can't successfully be told about the pain...she has to feel it for herself. So I expect she'll have to "hit bottom" before there's any chance at a turnaround (not that I think there is).
Of course, that may take place too late for me. I'm moving on, but leaving the door open at this point. But I won't be one of those people who are still here in four years desperately hoping for even a nod, a smile, or a hug from the X. While I do think there is a window of opportunity for reconciliation, I'm having trouble seeing anything useful after a year or two.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm doing surprisingly well, all things considered, but remain deeply saddened by the loss and stunned at how quickly it all turned to dust.
